Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112917 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 565(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
When Jude left again so I could perform a solo, I took a deep breath and peered out at the huge crowd. “Here’s a little-known fact about me, but don’t tell anyone, okay? It’ll be our little secret.”
The crowd roared.
“When I come offstage after a show, it takes a while for me to calm down. So a little while back, I started listening to this podcast called Bear Facts for Insomniacs, and it’s a miracle at putting people to sleep. I’d apologize to the podcasters, but this is actually the point of the podcast. Anyway, if you’re at all like me, you might wanna give it a try. See if a bear changes your life like it did mine.” I grinned wildly. “In fact, I have a new song about a bear. It’s called ‘Sanctuary.’”
The band began the intro as I tried to settle my nerves.
Jude’s words swam in my head as my heart filled with thoughts of debuting this song in front of Bear.
I would grab onto it with both hands and let everything else fuck off. Life’s too short, Zee.
He was right. I wanted a life with Ryan. I wanted the world to know he was mine and I was his. After tonight, I would need to find a way to talk to him about it, to figure out how we could be together without being quasi boss-employee.
Just as it was time for me to begin the lyrics, I turned to the wings and caught Bear’s eyes.
And then I opened my mouth and sang.
TWENTY-FOUR
RYAN
Every bear has a den, a sanctuary hidden deep in the wilderness where it feels safe. A den isn’t just a shelter. It’s a home. A place filled with memories. A place where it feels safe. The sanctuary defends the bear… and the bear defends his sanctuary just as fiercely, with every ounce of its considerable strength. For a bear, home is sacred, and nothing crosses that line unchallenged!
—Bear Facts for Insomniacs, Episode 87
It was eye-opening to see Derek Marian demonstrably in love with his celebrity husband. I’d spent so long in the closet in Ventdestine I hadn’t been around openly gay couples much.
Honestly, I couldn’t stop staring at them. Watching them be physically affectionate made me want to be able to do that with Zane. I wanted to be able to touch him when I wanted, press a kiss to the side of his face without worrying who would see, and express my concerns for his security as a loving partner, not a hired gun.
As Jude came off the stage, I stepped closer to the tape marking the edge of the wings and the beginning of the visible wing area.
I loved watching Zane like this. Even though I was still nervous as hell about him being exposed, at risk, I was secretly glad to be able to watch him in his element.
“Here’s a little-known fact about me, but don’t tell anyone, okay? It’s our little secret.”
The crowd went wild, screaming and cheering. Being the first to learn something new about Zee Barlo was an unexpected treat.
“When I come offstage after a show, it takes a while for me to calm down. So a little while back, I started listening to this podcast called Bear Facts for Insomniacs, and it’s a miracle at putting people to sleep. I’d apologize to the podcasters, but it’s actually the point of the podcast. Anyway, if you’re at all like me, you might wanna give it a try. See if a bear changes your life like it did mine. In fact, I have a new song about a bear. It’s called ‘Sanctuary.’”
He turned toward me and locked eyes. My heart hammered.
I love you.
I wanted to mouth the words, make sure he knew he was loved in that exact moment, but I couldn’t risk getting caught.
Instead, I sent out the love I had for him and hoped he felt even a fraction of it.
When he turned back to the audience, he began to sing. I immediately recognized the light, playful tune he’d been humming for weeks, ever since Barlo.
I have a secret that no one knows.
When the world feels heavy, there’s a place I go,
Where the salmon runs free and the honey flows,
When the weight’s hard to carry, and the road is long,
When old voices scream loudly, and I yearn to belong.
It’s a crack in a mountain you can’t see from the road,
Deep in the trees and fully covered with snow,
But if you look really close, you can just make out
Twin arrows pointing north, leading straight to the den.
When the night is long and lonely and the stars don’t shine,
When new faces get too close, your honeyed words are like wine.
It’s a crack in a mountain you can’t see from the road,
A den filled with warmth, a cozy seat by the fire.