Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80503 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 268(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80503 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 268(@300wpm)
Holy shit.
Karah never talks to me like that. She can be tough sometimes, but that was a little too far. I mean, damn, telling me to kill myself?
I climb to my feet and get another glass of water. I chug it down and start to feel a little better. Karah’s words mingle with Fynn’s words and I’m thinking about Jeanie as I head upstairs, shower, dress, and make my way to the big house.
Why do I do this to myself?
Why do I drag myself through the mud?
I’m a failure, that’s true, I can’t make anyone stick around long enough to really love me. I’ll be alone in that pathetic house, hiding away from my family until I’m an old man. Until my days are numbered.
What’s the point?
“Uncle Gavino!” Emilio’s standing on the back porch with his younger brother, Julian, and Casso’s oldest boy, Dom. They wave to me and I wave back, flinching already at the prospect of facing them right now, but to hell with it. They’re good kids. They don’t know a thing about the world yet, but they will.
“Boys,” I say, nodding to them. “The hell are you doing out here?”
“Dom said he saw a coyote,” Julian says, sounding excited. “I wanted to find it.”
“I’m here to make sure they don’t get themselves eaten,” Emilio says, grinning. He raises a .22 rifle and leans it on his shoulder. “Someone’s got to look out for these idiots.”
I laugh and shake my head. The thought of these three chasing after a coyote with a single .22 between them is comical, but hell, they’re kids. They don’t know a damn thing.
“Do your parents know about this?”
“Absolutely not,” Emilio says and glances over his shoulder. “You’re not going to tell them, are you?”
“We’ll be all right, don’t worry, Uncle Gavino,” Dom says, running a hand through his hair. “Not like we’ll really find it.”
“It’s right over there, I swear,” Julian says, pointing.
“Go hunt us some dinner,” I say and the boys all laugh as they scurry off into the yard.
I go inside. They’ll be fine. There’s no way that coyote will let them catch it, and hopefully Emilio is a good shot if they do.
Karah finds me first and steers me to the living room. Everyone’s there: Casso, Fynn, Nico, Mirella, Olivia, and Elise, plus the nieces and nephews are coming and going, playing with each other, complaining and bickering. Fynn gives me a drink, (“Go easy, please.”) and Casso draws me into a conversation about football.
For an hour, I feel normal. Hungover, but normal. My thoughts keep drifting to Jeanie, but whenever I find myself fantasizing about finding her and kissing her or maybe strangling her until she turns blue, I gently nudge them away or focus in on the room I’m standing in and the people I’m with. She’s there, swirling, and the darkness is there, swirling, but maybe I can keep it at bay.
I have a second drink, then a third, and a fourth.
When the family moves into the dining room for dinner, I stay behind. Nobody seems to notice as I remain seated in the corner, staring at my glass until the room empties and I’m left with only Emilio, freshly returned from his hunt, empty-handed. He’s sitting nearby, watching me with smart, sharp eyes. I gaze back and sigh, getting to my feet.
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” he asks.
I nod once. “Yeah, I’m heading out.”
“You never stay for long.”
“I’ve got work.” I finish my drink and turn away.
“What happened to you, Uncle Gavino? What happened to make you move out to that house and never come back?” His tone isn’t hurt. It’s more curious than anything, and that kills me. Breaks my damn heart.
I pause at the door. How do I explain it to the kid? A woman betrayed me and left me a ruined shell of a man?
Another woman brought me back, only to leave me worse than before?
Hell, he doesn’t know a thing.
“Life happened, kid,” I say and step outside, sliding the door shut behind me.
I pull my phone from my pocket and dial Romano.
“Boss, you good? I didn’t expect to hear from you for a few days.”
“No bender this time,” I say, walking back to my house in the twilight. “We’ve got work to do. You know that bookie? The one with that postal worker asshole’s debts? We’re paying him a visit.”
“I thought we were done with that?”
“This shit isn’t finished yet. Make some calls. Set it up for tonight.”
Chapter 29
Jeanie
My apartment feels barren.
I stand in the middle, looking around at the mess. It’s still a wreck from Benedict’s visit. The trash smells and the pantry probably has mice. I should’ve cleaned it up but I never had time and it just never seemed important.
Now I wish I had.
I head into my room and start packing. Most of my best clothes are still left at the villa, but there are old things leftover at the bottom of the drawers and shoved into the closet. Gavino’s words ring in my head. Gavino’s dead stare is like a dagger in my heart.