Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 137572 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 688(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 459(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137572 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 688(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 459(@300wpm)
“Toby.” He faces me. “I wasn’t sure how today would go, but I have one last thing I wanted to show you. I hope it doesn’t scare you away, but … if you’re willing to open your heart up to me just a little more, then meet me out by the bleachers after school, right by the baseball field. I’ll be there.” Then, after appearing to fight the urge to kiss me, Vann takes a deep, steeling breath and heads off to his next class. I don’t get to say what I wanted to say, but perhaps there will be a better time for my words.
And now I’m left wondering what the heck awaits me by the bleachers after school.
All fifth period, my leg bounces in place and my head swims after Lee interrogates me with a game of twenty questions, sitting in the desk next to me. The truth is, I really don’t know what’s up with Vann. I don’t know if this strange behavior of his today is, once again, a window within him opening up, showing me the vulnerable side of him he keeps locked up with his bad-boy act. I keep alternating from smiling dreamily to staring confusedly at the wall, utterly beside myself. Sixth period yearbook isn’t any different, but at least I can focus on all the tasks at hand—despite Kelsey constantly giving me quizzical looks and seeming to be bursting at the seams with questions of her own, especially after that totally unexpected lunch period we had. Then in seventh, I’m all alone at last, sitting in the back of the auditorium with all of my thoughts around me like tiny ghosts of worry and wonder, waiting for the ticking of the clock to release me.
But as I sit there letting the minutes crawl by, soon I feel the pesky, dark emotion of doubt settle in—an emotion I think I’ve been keeping at bay all day long, ever since I first saw Vann in the parking lot, leaning against that car. Is this really what I want? For Vann to become a totally different guy, change everything about himself, and don a pair of boots and a big belt buckle? Shake hands with Hoyt and score points in gym class with Julio, two former enemies of his? How does this solve anything? And how can I be sure it will last? What happens when Julio says the wrong thing, or Hoyt decides to antagonize Vann out of jealousy again?
I step out of the theater unnoticed, pull out my phone, and call up the only person who can convince me I’m not crazy. A guy who won’t be won over by any amount of Vann’s apparent charm.
A guy who’s never even met him. “Hey, buddy,” comes Jimmy Strong’s voice when he answers. “Aren’t you still in school? Or is it winter break already? What is it … 1:15 over there?”
“2:15. Seventh period. Look, I’m gonna … ask you something, and I … I just want you to answer me outright. No bull. No sugar. No nice. All business.”
“Uh-oh. You want me to pull out the big guns, huh?”
“The biggest you’ve got.”
“Alright, then. Go ahead, Mr. TBOY. Ask me your somethin’.”
I take a breath, then just let it out: “Do you really think Vann is bad for me?”
There’s a long pause. I hear Jimmy’s signature deep inhale, followed by his long and contemplative exhale. “Y’know, I gotta say, I know a few months ago I told you he was bad news. I mighta called him a 90s punk-band reject or somethin’ like that. And I did imply that you’re just eighteen and got your whole life ahead of you to figure out what you want, or what’s good for you, but …” He chuckles lightly. “Toby, the truth is, I met the love of my life in high school. He was right there under my nose. I knew it then. I just didn’t have the right words for it. Who am I to talk down to you like some child who doesn’t know better? You do know better, Toby. If this guy has your heart, if he shares your soul, if he makes you feel like you can race headlong into any one of your dreams while holdin’ his hand … damn it, Toby, take that first advice I ever gave you to heart, then. You made that special friend. Now you hold on to him ‘til the end … if you think it’s right.”
I lean back against the wall and sigh. There is a deeply happy feeling in my chest, and it’s playing tug-of-war with a big, scary behemoth of worry. I’m on a tightrope teetering between laughter and tears with no idea which way to lean.
“Also, not to pin myself as a total mama’s boy,” Jimmy goes on, “but my mama had a lot to say about Vann after Halloween. I got an earful of it. And despite the big scene at the punch table, all she seemed to take away from that was how protective he was over you, as well as something he said to her upstairs when he was looking for the bathroom.” I hear a breath of him chuckling before he adds, “Sounds like despite his parents working for the mayor’s campaign, my mama’s got a soft spot for your Vann. If she’s taken with him—my critical, heart-of-steel mama—well … I can’t think of a better vote of confidence in all of Spruce, quite frankly.”