Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 140184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 701(@200wpm)___ 561(@250wpm)___ 467(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140184 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 701(@200wpm)___ 561(@250wpm)___ 467(@300wpm)
He watches me for a moment, but then he nods and scoops up some eggs. “Sure.”
“Thank you,” I say, before adding awkwardly, “I don’t have any money. My wallet was in my purse, too.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
I should thank him, but I feel too stressed.
Is this my life now? At the mercy of the men I let fuck me? I’ve never felt more like my mother, and it’s revolting.
My stomach seems to hurt more with every bite of food I put into it, but Jonathan seems to remember something that dissolves my ability to even stomach food after a moment. “Your car’s not here, by the way.”
“What?”
“Your mom came and got it in the middle of the night.”
Of course she did.
Hopelessness threatens to swallow me up. For a moment, I feel like I’m in the middle of a vast void, and my life will never not be as empty as it is right now.
I have no money and no car. I have a shitty part-time job I won’t get a paycheck from for almost two more weeks. How am I supposed to take care of myself?
Life isn’t supposed to be this hard.
I don’t even want to be here anymore.
I get up and dump my eggs in the garbage, then I head upstairs to quickly catalog my things and see what items I actually have to my name.
The iPad is old. I guess I can sell it, but I won’t get much. I can sell my headphones. They’re basically new and a limited edition model, so maybe I could get a couple hundred dollars from them. My laptop is old and shitty, but I can’t sell it. It wouldn’t be worth much, and it’s probably worth a lot more to me since I don’t even have a phone anymore.
I have to remember to cancel my service. I’m sure as hell not going back to the apartment to get it.
I can’t really be without a phone. Maybe I can get one of those prepaid garbage phones drug dealers use. Maybe I should become a drug dealer. Surely then I can make some money.
The door creaks as Jonathan opens it.
“What are you doing?” he asks, seeing me sitting in a pile of all my things.
“Contemplating a life of crime.”
He nods like that checks out. “Well, if you need contacts, I know some people. You ready to go to the store?”
I nod, setting aside the crap on my lap and following him downstairs.
Unfortunately, once we get to the front door, I realize I don’t have shoes or a coat to put on.
When I left work last night, I was wearing my uniform and a jacket, but I left all of that in the hotel room. Milo said he would bring it and leave it in my car for me when I had to go home early.
I don’t know if he did.
If he did, it’s gone.
Either way, I don’t have any shoes to go anywhere, and it’s cold outside.
“Did I… not have shoes on when I left the apartment?”
Jonathan shakes his head. “Do you have shoes in my dad’s room?”
I nod. “He bought me a backup pair of work shoes.”
“All right, I’ll go grab them.”
“Thank you,” I say, standing awkwardly by the door as he heads up the stairs.
I didn’t ask him to grab me a sweater, but he comes back with one for me, anyway.
It’s chilly outside, but the sweater is better than nothing. At least there’s a break in the rain so my clothes won’t get soaked through.
Since the only time I’ve ever been in Jonathan’s car was last night, I don’t like being in it today. It brings back bad memories and I can’t stop wringing my hands.
I asked him to take me to the drug store, so I’m surprised when he pulls into Target. I guess they do have a pharmacy, but I was hoping to go somewhere less busy where there was less chance of anyone seeing what I’m buying.
Jonathan grabs a basket once we’re through the automatic doors. He leads me over to the pharmacy, then hangs back as I get what we came for.
I place it in the bottom of the basket and look up at him.
“You need anything else while we’re over here?”
“I… I don’t think so.”
“You sure?” He nods at the box. “Isn’t that supposed to trigger a cycle or something?”
“Oh. I’m not sure.”
“Do you have what you need if it does?”
I shake my head, wanting to crawl into the floor.
He doesn’t make a big deal about it, though. “Well, let’s go get it then.”
Buying feminine products at Target with Jonathan Granville wasn’t something I ever expected to do in my life, but apparently, that’s where I am now.
I follow along awkwardly once his basket is full of all my things. I hate asking him to buy me all this stuff when we’re not even friends. I was hesitant about Milo buying me stuff, but at least we were close. Asking Jonathan to do it feels bad, but I don’t have an alternative way of getting the things I need.