Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80821 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 404(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80821 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 404(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Dad gives me a simple nod before saying, “Morgan, I’d like you to stay a moment. Rhett, you can go.”
Everything inside me shrinks. I become small, insignificant. Why doesn’t he want to talk to me too? Why isn’t he proud that I’m taking control and will make sure Mom is okay?
I stall a moment, hoping he’ll change his mind, but when he just ignores me, I stand. “Yes, sir,” I tell him before slipping out of the office and closing the door behind me.
I don’t walk away, though. I can’t. Maybe Dad will say something to help me figure out what I did wrong.
As soon as I push my ear to the door, I hear, “I know you and your mom are extra close, Morgan. I want you to help her rest as much as possible. The two of you enjoy all your little adventures, but you need to keep those to a minimum. There’s a good chance she’ll be on bed rest soon.” Every word he speaks hollows me out more. He didn’t say Mom and I are close. He didn’t talk about adventures she enjoys with me. Does Mom have more fun with Morgan than me?
It’s not like this is news to me. It just hurts to hear. It’s part of why I stay busy with the things Dad likes me to do. Mom and Morgan don’t seem to care that much when I’m not around.
“I will,” Morgan says. “It’ll be my most important thing.”
It’ll be my most important thing too. Why doesn’t Dad care about that?
“I know it will. Your brother can get distracted by school and those sorts of responsibilities, but those aren’t your strengths. You’re a little…softer, like your mother, so there are certain situations where you’re more suited to help.”
Those words feel like a cheese grater against my heart. I get distracted with school for him, so I can be like him and show him how good I am, but really, what grinds me up more is what he’s really saying. Morgan is better at being with people than me, at taking care of them and being good to them. People want him around more than they do me.
“Can I go see her now?” Morgan asks, and as quietly as I can, I hurry back to the living room.
As soon as Morgan joins me, I ask, “What did he say?” as if I don’t know.
“None of your business,” he snaps.
“You’re so annoying. Dad can’t even count on you like he can me.” Maybe he can with stuff like helping with Mom, but not other stuff. I’m the one Dad chose to follow in his footsteps. I’m the one he said has the most chance of being just like him.
“You kiss his butt all the time!” Morgan shouts, then slams the door, leaving me standing there alone. I have no doubt he’s going to his best friend Dusty’s house. They act more like brothers than Morgan and I do. Morgan likes him more than me, but more than that, sometimes I can’t help wondering why I don’t have a Dusty. A friend who is like my brother and whom I always spend time with. What is it about me that pushes people away?
I start cleaning the kitchen even though it doesn’t really need it, scrubbing counters and scouring the floors. Then I sit at the table with the books Dad bought me about law and government, and I study all the things I already know, hoping to find something new to learn. I must study to get better. If I get better, people will like me, respect me, and maybe, just maybe, it’ll make my dad love me.
*
Twenty-six years old
I can’t believe East got into trouble at school again. I’m just glad they got ahold of me instead of Dad. When it comes to East, our youngest brother, the more we can keep from our dad the better. He’s not fair with any of us, but it’s worse when it comes to Easton. I do my best to fix it, to keep the peace, but it feels like most of the time, all I do is make things worse.
If I can just make Dad happy, do the things he wants me to do, I keep hoping he’ll change, that he’ll be happy and somehow it will fix his relationship with us, because no matter what, he’s our dad, the only parent we have left, since Mom died after the twins were born. He’s far from perfect, but Mom loved him. She wanted us to be a real family, though I can’t seem to make that happen.
I look around the house for East but can’t find him, so I go out the back door to the woods behind our property. I just got back from law school, and I must admit, it’s difficult being in Birchbark again. As soon as I have that thought, I hate myself for it. What kind of brother, what kind of son am I when I don’t even want to be around my family? I just don’t know how to relate to them, don’t know how to fit in.