Total pages in book: 31
Estimated words: 28825 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 144(@200wpm)___ 115(@250wpm)___ 96(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 28825 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 144(@200wpm)___ 115(@250wpm)___ 96(@300wpm)
I roll my left shoulder, trying to relieve a little bit of strain. I know this is going to be a long day. I can’t be having my muscles tense up on me this early. The sun is already sitting high and beating down on me. I have absolutely no coverage from above.
“How you feeling?” Knox asks into my ear. He stayed down at the camp to do some shit on his computer. See if any of Cobra’s known men were in the area. They were generally close to where he was. Knowing my luck they probably fucking left because I haven’t spotted shit but heavy partying since I got up here. I’m not sure if this is a rally or an orgy. Before last night I would question how people could go at it for hours, but I’m seeing that isn’t so uncommon.
It makes me wonder if Knox has ever gone at it for hours. Been at the rallies with women crawling all over him. That little green monster of jealousy spikes in the back of my mind. I’m not sure if I’m madder at the thought of Knox doing it, or myself for caring.
Worse, if the rumors are true, this thing that happened between Knox and me will never work. Once things are done with us, I’ll have to see this shit all the time. Right in my face. I could barely take it when I thought he’d been with the bartender, and that was before last night. Before I’d let him do things to me I thought I'd never want to do. I don’t want to be the crazy jealous ex. I’d probably end up stabbing someone. That would most definitely get me kicked out of the club.
Now I’m starting to really question everything. It isn’t helping that thinking is all I have to do right now. Recount every little detail of last night over and over again in my head. I should be exhausted from my lack of sleep, but I actually feel the opposite. I could run a freaking marathon right now with everything that’s pumping through me.
“I’m good,” I tell him, though my chest is freakin’ killing me and the ground is fucking freezing, even with the sun beating down on me. I should have practiced sitting still more. I try to go back to when Cas and I did these drills together, how I’d gotten through the hours. It only makes me think that it’s Knox fucking with my head. When I’d been doing those drills, I hadn't even met him yet. He wasn’t clouding my brain like he is now.
“Hmm,” he mumbles back, and the line goes quiet for a few moments. The silence stretches longer than I like. As much as I want to push Knox away, I want him to keep talking. “What made you want to be a part of the club?” he finally asks, as if he can hear my silent plea.
I’m starting to think he can read my thoughts. Last night when I couldn’t get there, he knew what I needed. He pulled me on top of him and let me have control. I didn’t even know why I couldn’t get there. I was so close, yet so far from cumming, but somehow he knew. He’s reading me better than I can read myself, which is fucking scary as shit. He sees me a little too well.
“Couldn’t find that on your computer?” I retort, locking my jaw after the words are out of my mouth. After last night I feel more confused than ever about Knox. Fuck, I don’t even know what name I should be calling him. I almost want to smack myself. First I’m wanting him to talk, then when he does, I say something to shut him down. It’s almost like I can’t stop myself. The need to protect myself seems to be rather strong.
“Putting the walls back up, I see.” His tone is light, like it doesn’t matter. A small pang of fear runs through me at the thought that he’ll give up, and his words only confirm that. “That’s all right, baby, I’ll knock them back down.”
A stupid little flutter hits my stomach, knocking that pang of fear right out of there.
“I didn’t know when I joined the military I’d find a family. Didn’t even know I was looking for one. Or at least I didn’t know better families could be out there.” I feel some of the building tension leave my body as Knox starts to talk. He’s giving me a piece of him. Something deeper. At his words, a wave of sadness hits me. More than anyone, I know what he’s missed out on.
I have a family. A fucking wonderful one. One that will drive you so fucking nuts that you don’t know if you want to punch them or kiss them. I don’t know what I would have done without them, to be honest. They are all I’ve ever had. I don’t seem to fit in anywhere, but I know when I go home I’ll always fit in there. I have that security blanket, and I couldn’t imagine not having it. I can’t imagine the pain of not having that as a child.