Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87895 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 439(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87895 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 439(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
I lift my shirt over my head, throwing it down. I don’t bother taping my hands. I don’t want to protect my knuckles. I want to hit the fuck out of them until they bleed. Maybe the pain will distract me enough to keep me from driving to that fucking castle and attacking King now.
I slam my fist into the bag over and over. Each hit seems to be a reminder of something I failed to do.
Failed to keep filth from touching my son. Failed to protect him from his crack whore of a mother. Failed to keep him safe. Failed to recognize that Rory was a woman who would rather die than lie to anyone. Failed to give her the love she deserved. Failed to keep her safe.
“I fucking failed to do every fucking thing!” I scream as I deliver another hit to the bag.
“Hoss, much more of that and I don’t know what is going to drop first, the bag or your hands. You’re bleeding all over the place,” Crusher says, entering the room.
“I don’t give a fuck. I want to bleed. I deserve to bleed. Rory bled. Who was there to take care of her, Crusher? No one! Not one fucking person!” I growl, slamming my fist into the bag again.
“Man, you need to let it go. You were fighting for your life. You’re here now. You’re here when it matters.”
“It fucking mattered then!” I roar. Slamming my fists over and over into the bag.
Crusher comes up and holds the bag solidly in his hands.
“You’re right it did, but you can’t go back, Hoss.”
“Get the fuck away, Crusher. You don’t get it,” I growl, slamming my fists so hard over and over into the bag, screaming when Crusher just goes back on his foot, but doesn’t truly budge.
“The hell I don’t. Don’t you think I’ve been right there in your fucking shoes, Diesel? Have you forgotten how I almost lost my fucking woman? The hell I went through with my own fucking club for not helping me get to her sooner?”
“He beat her with a belt, Crusher. He kicked her… he beat her until she was bleeding. Do you know what that bleeding was, Crush? It was her losing my fucking baby. A baby I gave her hell over and refused to believe was mine! He spit on my fucking woman!” I growl, the words feeling as if they are being ripped out of my damn soul.
“And you’ll get revenge, Brother. I fucking promise you that you will make him pay for it all,” Crusher promises.
“I treated her like she was no better than Violet, man,” I finally say, the words quieter and full of misery instead of anger. I drop to the ground on my ass, leaning against the wall. “I made her pay for the whores that came before her and all she gave me was love. She gave me all of her, man, and I took it. I took it because I fucking needed it and it brought me peace. I was a selfish son of a bitch and all she tried to do was love me.”
“You’ll make it up to her.”
“I treated her like shit and still, she kept my son safe, she protected him and found a way to call the fucking FBI to protect me.”
“Lock it down, Hoss. Lock it the fuck down, so you can make it up to her.”
“How do I even begin to make it up to her?” I ask, feeling hopeless.
“You make sure you give her all her dreams,” he answers.
“I don’t even know what that is.”
“Then, you find out and you kill your ass to do it. Why do you think I have enough kids to field my own football team? Fuck, I’ve added on to our house twice now. She strikes for another kid I’m giving up. I’m just going to buy a house with thirty bedrooms.”
“I love her, Crusher.”
“I know, Hoss.”
“I’ve wanted what you had, what Dragon and Skull had all my life… and I pushed it away until it was almost too late.”
“But it’s not. There’s time to fix it… so fix it.”
I nod.
“You got it under control now?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“Good. Dani owes me her mouth tonight,” he says with a wink, turning to leave.
“What happened to you making her dreams come true. That sounds more like it’s your dreams,” I mutter.
“That’s the thing about relationships, Hoss. It’s all about the give and take,” he says as he leaves.
I watch him go and slowly pull my ass up. I grab a towel off a table and wrap it around the hand that has the most damage on the knuckles. They’re already sore as hell, but I’ll deal. I dab the blood off the other hand, trying to figure out what to do next.
I decide to go by the office, sift through some paperwork and when that doesn’t take enough time, I call and check on Torrent and Devil. She’s having a difficult labor, but they’re doing okay. I should be there to support him, but I can’t force myself to be there. Not yet.