Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 148238 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 741(@200wpm)___ 593(@250wpm)___ 494(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148238 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 741(@200wpm)___ 593(@250wpm)___ 494(@300wpm)
My fingers went to his nape, massaging gently.
“To love as much as I loved you—it decimated me when you’d gone. I didn’t want anyone else. I didn’t want anything but for you to be alive again.”
My heart hurt with my next question. “Did you?”
“Did I what?”
I couldn’t voice it.
Did you do what they said and kill me?
His face tightened, understanding my unsaid question.
He grabbed my hand, linking our fingers. “I swear to you on our love that I didn’t. I don’t know what happened.” Fear filled his voice. “I didn’t, Cleo. You have to believe me.”
I squeezed his fingers. “I believe you.”
The relief ebbing from his muscles scared me. “Why didn’t you tell the police? Why did you go to prison for a crime you didn’t commit?”
The room went icy as Kill sucked up everything he’d let go. Hiding. Blocking answers that I needed. “Please… It relates to the past that I can’t talk about just yet.” His face twisted with torture. “Give me time. That’s all I ask and I’ll tell you—I promise.”
I sat still. Would he ever tell me? Wouldn’t it be best to rip off the Band-Aid quickly and deal with the consequences now? But I couldn’t do that to him. I’d already destroyed the world he knew; I couldn’t demand more.
“Okay. Time.”
He reached up, kissing me sweetly. “Thank you. I’ll tell you everything… soon.” A cloud passed over his face. “That goes for you, too. I need to know where you’ve been. How you lost every memory of your past and me.”
Nervousness filled me at telling him everything—things I still hadn’t recalled. My mind was Swiss cheese with too many holes. Deflecting a little, I smiled. “I’m hoping you can get it straight for both of us. I remember what my parents look like. I remember my bedroom with the yellow walls and my favorite quote from The Princess Bride stenciled on my ceiling. But I don’t remember anything else. I don’t remember what happened after my fourteenth birthday, and I don’t remember how I became Sarah or lived overseas or even how I became a vet.”
Kill looked away anxiously. “There’s so much you’ve forgotten. So much we don’t know if you’ll remember.” His shoulders bunched. “Shit, Cleo. There’s so much I want to tell you and so much I hope you never—” Cutting himself off, he sighed. “It all hurts too damn much. I have too much inside my head… I’m such an asshole.” Pulling away, he looked deep into my eyes. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Tears tickled my spine at the thought of him being so broken. So upside down and inside out from finally seeing me. “I already have. I understand.”
He sniffed. “I’m so damn sorry.”
I wanted to stroke away his pain. My consolation wasn’t enough to save him. Directing the conversation to easier topics, I asked, “What finally made you see?”
Smiling quickly, he crushed me to him. “It was the equation. Our equation. The stupid geek thing that you giggled over when I showed you how awesome math could be.”
My mind came up blank. It was as if my family was now free from the net that captured my mind, but the rest—it was still trapped, still squirming and trying to escape.
He let me go, his large hand falling to my hip. “Look. See for yourself.”
I glanced down at the pyramid of numbers inked into my skin. I remembered the night I’d woken at some ungodly hour and scribbled the equation down before it escaped from my dreams. But I still couldn’t remember how I recalled it or what it meant. It tugged so hard inside with a hidden message that I’d given it to the artist to place on my skin so I would never forget.
My heart twitched as Kill traced the pattern: I <3 U
“Do you know what it means?” he murmured. “Do you remember?”
I shook my head, wishing I could. “No.”
He smiled. “It’s the perfect mathematical proof that love exists, written in numbers. You had your words and poems, I had this. And I finally found a way to say I love you.”
I couldn’t say a word.
“I’ve loved you for most of my life, and then you were… gone. I don’t know what you’ve been through and I don’t know the woman you’ve become because of it, but I do know I’ll never be able to stop it. Never be able to ignore…” His face twisted and he growled, “I’m not going to fight it anymore. Too fucking long I’ve been fighting and I’m done.”
“Fighting what?”
“Emotion. The highs and lows of life. I’ve lived with revenge for so long, but you brought light back into my black world.”
I bit my lip, suffering an explosion of happiness in my heart.
Kill continued, “There’s so much to tell you. So much you don’t know. You have no fucking idea how my life was. Everything I ever wanted was torn away from me and it terrifies me to think it will happen again.”