Total pages in book: 53
Estimated words: 49645 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 248(@200wpm)___ 199(@250wpm)___ 165(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 49645 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 248(@200wpm)___ 199(@250wpm)___ 165(@300wpm)
“But something changed,” I said. As much as I loved the feel of Christopher’s weight on my chest, I couldn’t really enjoy it because I knew what was coming.
Christopher nodded. “It was right before the holiday break. We were meeting up before everyone went home for Christmas. It ended up being a setup.”
“A setup?” I asked in confusion.
“Yeah, um, the girls made it so Peter and I were left alone for the coffee date. They’d decided to play matchmaker, and each one texted excuses for why they couldn’t come for coffee that day after Peter and I were already there. When I realized what they’d done, I started to panic, but Peter was the one to call the whole thing off. He apologized to me because even though he really liked me, he was still trying get over his breakup with his last boyfriend.”
“So he supposedly took the chance of you guys getting together off the table,” I said.
“And I fell for it hook, line, and sinker,” Christopher murmured. “I’d always been better at listening than talking when I was younger, so it was easy to be a sympathetic ear. His boyfriend had cheated on him back in Ohio where they’d both grown up, so Peter had decided not to go home for the holidays so he wouldn’t end up running into him. When he found out I wasn’t going home either, Peter suggested we keep meeting for coffee. But he didn’t push, and when I turned down his offer to walk me home, he didn’t seem bothered by it. So we met up each day and even found a Chinese restaurant near campus that was open on Christmas Day.”
Christopher fell silent for a long time. “He was so easy to talk to. I don’t even really know when things changed. There was just this one day that I needed to tell him about the attacks. I didn’t know why. I hadn’t talked to anyone about them before, but I felt like there was this heavy weight on my chest and I couldn’t breathe anymore because of it. He actually cried for me. We started spending more and more time together after that, and a couple months into the second semester, he told me he loved me. We hadn’t done much more than hold hands at that point. He said he wanted to take things slow for me. He’d kiss me on the cheek or the forehead but never on the mouth. I didn’t really understand why, but I didn’t want to risk losing him, so I never asked him. Looking back, there were other warning signs that something wasn’t quite right.”
“Like what?” I asked. I was running my fingers through Christopher’s hair at the same time that he was tapping one of his fingers softly on my chest. It took me a while to realize he was timing the tap to my heartbeat.
“He’d blow up at me sometimes for no reason at all. He’d disappear for a week or two at a time claiming he was sick, but he wouldn’t let me see him. His physical appearance changed too. He looked more and more run-down, and he’d often lose track of a conversation. I once saw some concealer on his chin, but when I asked him about it, he flipped out.”
“Did he ever hit you?” I asked.
Christopher shook his head. “After the concealer thing, he told me he was covering up a couple of bruises from some guys who’d knocked him around because he was gay.”
I stiffened when I realized what Christopher wasn’t saying. I actually sat up a little, forcing Christopher to shift his position. He ended up sitting cross-legged on the bed alongside my hip.
“Being gone for weeks at a time because he was sick… concealer on his face…?” I shook my head in disbelief. “He knew he had AIDS.”
I hadn’t been able to keep the rage out of my voice. Christopher dropped his eyes and began winding his fingers together.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” I murmured as I sat up even more, picking up Pip in the process. I handed the miffed kitten to Christopher.
“I wasn’t smart enough to put it together,” Christopher said after a few moments. “My feelings for him had started to get stronger, but I was nervous about having sex with him. He finally wore me down one afternoon while we were in my dorm room studying. It started off innocently enough with just some light touching and teasing. He told me how much he loved me and that he just wanted to be with me. I agreed but asked him to go slow and told him he had to wear a condom. He agreed. He even made a big show of putting it on so I could see. When he got behind me and started to push inside, it hurt a lot. All I felt was the burn. I thought it would get better if Peter just gave me some time to adjust, but as soon as he was inside of me, it was like something changed. He was rough and angry and at one point he even called me his ex’s name. It was over in minutes. When he was done, he said it had been fun and began pulling on his clothes. I could… I could…”