Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 82279 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82279 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
“You’re gonna have your hands full,” Mom teases. “But don’t worry, we’ll help as much as we can.”
Everyone is smiling, but right now, I feel like crying.
I’m excited for them and hate the feeling of jealousy that burns inside me. Kane and Ivy deserve this just as much as anyone else who wants a baby, but constantly watching everyone around me get pregnant is just a reminder that it might not be in the cards for me.
Although Mom has fudge sundaes, Dad shares his apple pie with us. After we finish eating, Payton stretches with a yawn, glancing over at me. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was trying to give us an out to leave early. He’s the only one who knows I’m having an internal meltdown.
Once we help put the dishes away and the kitchen is cleaned, we say our goodbyes. We thank my mom for a delicious dinner, then I tell my brother and Ivy congratulations again and punch Knox in the shoulder before walking out.
As soon as the warm summer air hits my cheeks, a few tears slip down my face. I hurry and wipe them away, but Payton catches me.
I’m angry with myself for feeling envious. I’m mad at my body and how unfair all of this feels.
Once we’re in Payton’s truck, he cranks it, then meets my eyes.
“Just because you don’t have what you want right now doesn’t mean you’ll never have it,” he reminds me, just as he has several times before.
Frowning, I nod. “I know. Patience isn’t my strong suit.”
He places his hand on top of mine as we back out of the driveway and make our way home. “No, but you’re strong and resilient, Kate.”
“I wish I was stronger. This might actually break me,” I admit, my voice cracking.
He pulls onto the main road and takes his time driving.
“There was a point in my life when I thought I was broken, too. But the reality is, we have both lived through a hundred percent of our worst days.”
“That’s true. Never thought of it that way.”
“I planned a future with my ex, hoping to start a family with my wife, and even after she tore it apart, I know now that just because I didn’t get it with her doesn’t mean I won’t ever have it. But for years, I thought that was my reality. Years. I was hell-bent on accepting it, too.”
I stay quiet, allowing the rumble of the engine to soothe me as I listen.
“What changed?” I ask.
“My life and everything that I’d known had fallen apart in a matter of weeks. I dreamed about coming home every evening to my wife and kids, and growing old together. Talkin’ about our days over dinner and spending the evening relaxing or playing. I craved the consistency and family atmosphere. It was something I never really had after my dad died.”
I glance at him, hearing the crack in his voice.
“Yes, I know I don’t have those things now either,” he clarifies as if he’s reading my mind. “And maybe I don’t have a wife, Kate, and perhaps I never will. But I have you. That makes me just as happy.”
His words have my face splitting in half. “You’ll always have me.” I can’t imagine my life without him in it, and even if we don’t have a baby together, I hope nothing changes between us.
“And you’ll always have me, too.”
A million different sentences build in my head, but not a word comes out when I open my mouth. After he parks and we walk inside the house, his words play on repeat in my mind.
“What’re you thinkin’?” He plops down next to me on the couch, and we’re so close that I can feel the warmth of his body.
“Nothin’,” I lie, though I’m wondering how things would change between us when he does want to start dating and putting himself out there. The last thing I’d ever want to do is get in his way or hurt his chances of having a partner. Any woman would be lucky to have him as a husband.
Payton turns and tucks loose strands of hair behind my ear. His intense gaze burns my skin, but I welcome it. I swallow hard, studying his mouth, wanting to feel his scruff trail along my face and thighs. Being with him right now isn’t a want. It’s a goddamn need, a burning desire rooted so deeply that if I don’t have him, I might lose my mind.
He licks his lips as I hold his gaze, and we hold a silent conversation. Then he stands, takes my hand, and leads me to his bedroom. Payton slowly brushes my hair over one shoulder and carefully undresses me as if he wants to memorize every bare inch.
I lie back on the bed as he removes his shirt, giving me the perfect view of his washboard abs. As we watch each other, he kicks off his boots and strips down.