Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 82279 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82279 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
"I guess you'll just have to wait until your new cord arrives."
My eyes lower to his groin as he noticeably gets hard. He can fight this all he wants, but he's craving it too.
"That’s not fair because you can easily go take care of yourself," I explain, and he instinctively adjusts himself.
"Kate, what's this really about?"
"I want you, Payton." I spell it out slowly. "And I want you to fuck me."
"We set rules, remember?"
"We’ve already broken two rules."
His jaw ticks. "And would we still be just friends after?"
"That depends. Is that what you would want?"
"I'm asking you what you want."
"I want you to kiss me..." And then fuck me six ways to Sunday.
It's been a month and a half since we kissed in front of my mom, and I haven't stopped thinking about it. I felt the way he poured everything he had into it, and I ached for more when we broke apart.
But neither of us did anything about it after, and I'm tired of pretending it didn't happen.
"If you have zero desire to kiss me, then I'll drop it. But I don't think this is one-sided." My heart races as my confession spews out.
Payton stares at me like he's frozen in shock, and after several seconds pass, I'm convinced he's going to leave me high and dry.
Instead of staying and being humiliated by his silence, I stand to walk away. He’s given me his answer by not saying anything at all.
"Kate," he murmurs, grabbing my hand as I step around him. "I'm not saying no because I don't want to kiss you. I do, but I'm terrified of losing you. You're in the mood for this tonight, but you might regret it tomorrow. I don't want it to seem like I'm taking advantage of you because I care way too much about you."
“Would you rather see me fall in love with someone else?” I ask but don't bother to wait for a response before I go to my room.
Now I've made it awkward and weird as fuck.
And my heart is shattered.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
PAYTON
I can't believe I just let her walk away like that.
After years of pining after the woman of my dreams, I froze. Made excuses.
Our relationship has shifted over the past several months, and I’ve tried to stay true to what she wanted in the beginning. But now I’m conflicted.
Does she actually have feelings for me, or does she just need me to scratch an itch?
My desire for Kaitlyn has been something I've pushed away for years, shoved to the back of my mind, and kept locked in a box.
And now she's begging me to break our rules.
The first time she brought it up over a month ago, I figured it was just a fluke and she'd never share the same feelings as me.
I hadn't expected her to bring it up again, and I really didn't anticipate her asking if what was going on between us was one-sided.
Fuck.
How the hell could she ever think I wouldn’t want her?
As my head and heart fight between taking the risk or playing it safe, memories of us together flood my mind.
Were her feelings there all along? Or did they form recently?
Does it fucking matter?
Getting to my feet, I head toward her room with my nerves on fire. It's now or never.
I blow out a breath, lean against the doorframe, then knock.
"Kate, open up," I say when she doesn't answer. "Please."
Footsteps pad on the other side, and I take note of her blotchy cheeks when she finally reveals herself.
She's been crying.
Her gorgeous blue eyes look at me as I stare down at her. Then she crosses her arms, refusing to speak. So I just blurt everything out.
"I can't tell you how long I've had feelings for you because I can't remember a time when I didn't have them. From the moment we met, I was drawn to you. Something unexplainable makes me want to be around you all the goddamn time. Once we formed a friendship, I was content with that because after my ex, I’d sworn off workplace relationships. But no matter what I did, my feelings for you didn't go away. They only grew stronger and harder to deny."
I blow out a relieved breath, feeling lighter from finally admitting it.
"And when you and I made this arrangement to have a baby together and co-parent, I was okay with it because that meant we'd always be in each other's lives. I accepted the fact that my feelings were one-sided and that I'd have to live with it. As long as I didn't lose you, I'd survive. But if you're telling me you have them for me too, that changes things. Hell, that changes everything."
As Kaitlyn's chest rises and falls, I drown in the silence. I just poured out my whole heart to her, and as I wait for a reaction, I want to pass out.