Total pages in book: 44
Estimated words: 42306 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 212(@200wpm)___ 169(@250wpm)___ 141(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 42306 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 212(@200wpm)___ 169(@250wpm)___ 141(@300wpm)
And yet, knowing all this, I’m still riddled with second thoughts.
More like third and fourth thoughts.
Within minutes of registering for classes, I’d stared at my schedule for the fall semester and wanted to cancel all three. I know it doesn’t make the least bit of sense, but I no longer feel like I fit in here. Not as a student. It’s almost hard to remember a time when I walked around the gently rolling hills of this campus like I owned the place.
That’s no longer the case.
“It’s been seven years since I sat in a classroom,” I add, just in case he’s forgotten. “I’m not sure I remember how to study or take a test.”
Even thinking about it makes the muscles in my belly clench.
Coach waves away my concerns as if swatting at flies. “You’re stressing over nothing. I’m sure it’s like riding a bike. Give it a week or two and then you’ll be right back in the groove of things.”
“I hope you’re right,” I mutter. Otherwise, it’s going to be one hell of a long semester.
“I am. In a month, it’ll be like you never left.”
I huff out a breath, unable to imagine just such a scenario.
Not after all this time has elapsed.
Not after everything that’s happened.
I’m three years away from turning thirty, for fuck’s sake. Some of these kids are barely eighteen years old. They can’t even legally drink. As soon as those thoughts pop into my brain, I shove them away.
It’s tempting to drag a hand over my face.
When I remain silent, contemplating the merits of heading to the registrar’s office straight from here and quietly withdrawing, he says, “There’s no question that the last seven years have been rough. Now that Hunter has graduated and is playing in Atlanta, it’s time for you to turn the focus back onto yourself. This is the perfect opportunity to figure out the rest of your life. Take advantage of it.”
The man is right.
I know he is.
But that doesn’t make it any easier.
Ever since Mom and Dad died, I’ve been operating strictly in survival mode, just trying to make it through each day and keep a roof over our heads. Now that my brother has graduated and is playing professional football, it should feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Like I can finally stand still and breathe again.
Strangely enough, it doesn’t. It still feels like I’m on the cusp of drowning.
“By the way, how’s Hunter doing?” he asks, interrupting the thoughts that churn through my brain.
My gaze flickers away and it takes effort to keep my voice neutral. “He’s good.”
A smile breaks out across his face. “That kid was one of the best players to come through this program.”
I dip my head, silently acknowledging the sentiment. Hunter has always been a talented athlete. Even as a kid. Him turning pro was inevitable. And I did everything in my power to make sure that nothing derailed the plan. Whether my brother realizes it or not, I’d move heaven and hell for him.
“I’ll let him know you said hello.”
Although, I have no idea when that will be. The truth of the matter is that I don’t talk to him very often. We’ve exchanged a few texts here and there since he graduated from Claremont, but not much else.
I did something I shouldn’t have, and when he found out, it rocked our relationship to the very core. If there were a way to go back and make different decisions, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
But that’s not possible.
All I can say is, at the time, I’d thought I was doing the right thing.
Turns out that wasn’t the case.
Even though I’ve apologized dozens of times, he hasn’t relented or forgiven me.
For the first five years, it was just the two of us clinging to one another. We were a unit. A team. It was the Price brothers against the world. Now that my relationship with Hunter is fractured, I’m on my own. The feeling of being lost and adrift has been my constant companion since he told me to go fuck myself.
To be clear, it was my fault.
I just wish he’d unbend enough to forgive me.
I stare down at my hands. I suppose that’s one benefit to taking classes this semester—there’ll be less time to dwell on the ways I’ve fucked up our relationship.
Hunter and Skye tied the knot right before her father died of cancer. Needless to say, I wasn’t invited. That slight was like taking a cleaver to my heart. I never imagined there’d come a time when I wouldn’t be invited to my brother’s wedding.
“The three of us will have to grab a beer at some point.”
That casually thrown out comment is like a fist wrapped around my heart, squeezing it until breath becomes impossible.
“Definitely,” I force myself to say.