Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 100661 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100661 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
My breath caught.
He bounced his right leg at the knee a few times. Agitated, like he was torn.
My lips moved in a silent prayer. Come back inside. Love me. Stay.
But a moment later, he continued the walk toward his car, which was parked in my driveway. After tossing his bags in the back, he got behind the wheel, started the engine, and looked at my house. I held my breath once more.
Again, I was disappointed. Ten seconds later, he backed out of the driveway, and then his rental car disappeared down the block. I closed the door, walked into my bedroom, and curled up into a ball on my bed, inhaling the scent of him clinging to the sheets.
Cradling my belly, I wept.
“Whose car is that?” Ari stared past me out to the street where I’d parked in front of her house. She’d invited me to come for dinner, and since I’d done nothing but mope around my house for the day and a half since Joe left, I jumped at the chance to be around family.
“It’s mine.” I held up the fob. “Christmas gift.”
“From who?”
“Joe.” In the cold winter air, I felt the heat in my cheeks.
Ari’s jaw fell open. “He bought you a car? Are you kidding me? I was aghast about the Louboutins, but this is next level!”
“Well, it’s more about the baby,” I said, entering her house. “He knew my car was old and wanted me to have something newer and safer, something easy to get a car seat in and out of.”
“Jesus, Mabel.” Ari shifted Truman in her arms and shut the door. “What is going on with you guys?”
“Nothing,” I said, hanging my jacket in the hall closet. “Well, now it’s nothing. Christmas Day, it was something. Actually, it was everything.” Sighing, I followed her into the kitchen and plunked down at the kitchen table. Her house smelled delicious, as usual. Like roasted chicken.
“Ha! I knew something would happen Christmas Day!” She set Truman in the baby swing and peeked in the oven. “Did you sneak into his childhood bedroom?”
“No, he stayed the night at my house after driving me back. He wouldn’t let me drive myself that day because it was snowing.”
“You know, he is suspiciously protective of you,” Ari said, pulling a huge cast iron skillet from the oven. “It’s almost like he’s in love or something.”
I shook my head. “He is not in love with me. If he was, he wouldn’t have let me push him away yesterday morning.”
“What do you mean?” Setting the skillet on the stove top, Ari turned around and faced me. “Why’d you do that?”
“I felt like I had to.” I played with the edge of a place mat. “I was getting too invested in him. In us.” I swallowed hard against the lump trying to form. “I think I’m in love with him. Actually, I know I am.”
“Oh Mabel.”
I dropped my head into my hands. “God, I feel like I’ve done nothing but cry for twenty-four hours. In bed. In the shower. Facedown on the couch. Have you ever cried on the toilet? I assure you, there is nothing that makes you feel more pathetic.”
“Poor baby.” She came and sat down next to me, rubbing my arm. “Tell me what happened.”
“I just basically told him I caught feelings I didn’t intend to catch, and I was scared of getting hurt. But I assured him that I wasn’t going back on my word.”
“What word?”
“Not to make any demands on him. Not to ask him to change or prioritize me over hockey.”
“But it’s not like he’d have to give up hockey,” Ari argued. “Why can’t you give the relationship a chance inside the existing parameters of his life? You could move to Chicago.”
“He didn’t ask me to. He’s never asked me to.”
“Well, he’s dumb.”
I almost smiled. “He’s not dumb. He’s careful. He doesn’t want to say something he doesn’t mean.”
She sat back, folding her arms. “I can’t help it if I think he’s dumb for not realizing he’ll be sorry if he lets you get away. I’m not saying you have to get married tomorrow, but he obviously loves you. Why not say it?”
“I don’t know, Ari.” I jumped up from the chair and went over to the sink to look out at the snow-covered yard. “It’s not like I can ask him.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m too afraid. What if the answer isn’t what I want it to be? Maybe that makes me a coward, but I can’t help it if I feel it’s better to be safe than sorry.” I took a deep breath. “At least this way, I’m safe.”
Ari said nothing, but she got off her chair and came over to the window. Standing next to me, she tipped her head onto my shoulder. “I get it,” she said softly. “And I’m sorry if I upset you. I want you to feel safe.”