Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 100661 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100661 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
My pulse quickened with concern. Who was making sure Mabel didn’t lift anything heavy? Who would rub her back when it hurt? Was she shopping for furniture alone? Why hadn’t I asked any of these questions before? I hadn’t even inquired about the high blood pressure just now.
I scowled. No wonder she didn’t want to trust me with that hope in her heart. I could do better. I had to do better.
Grabbing my phone, I searched for rocking chairs online. But there were so many options, I was totally overwhelmed. Swivel gliders, rockers, electronic recliners, ergonomic designs, ottomans . . . and they came every style and color under the sun. How was I supposed to choose? I didn’t even know what color the walls were in the baby’s room, which made me feel even worse.
Friday afternoon, I sent Mabel a text.
Hey. How are you?
Good! Just standing in the baby’s empty room mentally arranging the furniture lol.
Can you show me the room?
Sure. Want to FaceTime?
My pulse kicked up at the idea of seeing her, hearing her.
Yes.
I called her, and her smiling face appeared on my screen. “Hi.”
My entire body warmed. “Hey.”
“How’s the shoulder?”
“Getting better.”
“Good.” She nodded in satisfaction. “So you want to see the room so far?”
“Yes, please.”
She switched the view of the phone, and I saw that the walls were painted a soft sage green. “Okay, I’m standing right at the doorway. The crib will go over to my left against the wall.” She turned and aimed the phone along a bare wall, and I imagined the crib there.
“The one your brother Austin is making?”
“Yes. It’s almost done.”
“Cool.” I was unreasonably jealous, not only that he had the incredible skill to make something like that with his hands, but that he could do these things for her in person.
“On this wall will be the changing table.” She pivoted and showed me another bare wall. “And this is his view.” She went over to the window and aimed the phone at the glass. “It will be the backyard, which is currently covered in snow.”
“You’re not shoveling it, are you?”
“No, Dad,” she teased. “I’m not. Austin or Xander have been doing the driveway and front walk for me.”
Again, I felt the unreasonable sting of envy that I wasn’t there doing those simple, everyday chores for her. I was sending money, yes, but that wasn’t the same. It wasn’t good enough.
She aimed the phone at an empty corner. “Right here is where the rocker will go. Veronica is going to give me the one she used for Luke and Vivian.”
“Nice,” I said, trying to gauge the size of the space so I could send her a new chair.
She opened the closet door. “And look!”
I was not prepared for the way my gut wrenched when I saw the little dinosaur pajamas we’d gotten at the museum hanging there. I couldn’t even speak.
“Remember the day we bought them?”
I cleared my throat. “Yes.”
“And the carpet is amazing. So soft and plush.” She aimed the camera toward her feet, which were bare. Laughing, she wiggled her toes, which were painted bright red. “My feet are swollen, so I didn’t even bother with shoes today. Although now they’re cold.”
I wanted to take her chilly feet in my hands and rub them for her while she ate potato chips and ice cream on the couch. We could watch her favorite movie this time. Then I’d carry her off to bed and massage her back, and if she’d let me, I’d give her an orgasm with my tongue or my hand or however she wanted. As many times as she wanted. As long as I got to hear my name on her lips while it happened.
Then she turned the camera back on her face, pushing her glasses up on her nose. “So what do you think?”
I think I should be there and not here. Or you should be here and not there. I don’t want to be apart from you anymore. Or ever again. “It looks great. He’ll love it.”
She laughed. “He knows we’re talking about him. He’s moving around.”
I smiled, but I felt like my heart was splitting in two. “I really wish I was there right now. I’m sorry I can’t help with the baby’s room.”
“That’s okay. Just get that shoulder back in shape so we can watch you play again. We miss it.”
“I will.”
Silence fell between us, and I could have filled it with so many things. I miss you. I want you. Give me a chance.
Instead what came out was, “I should go. I have a PT appointment at three-thirty.”
“Okay,” she said.
“I miss you,” I blurted.
“I miss you too, Joe.” She waited for me to say something else, but when I didn’t, she said goodbye.
I felt worse than ever.
I spent a good chunk of Saturday looking at rocking chairs again, but even though I knew what color the walls were, I felt just as lost as I had yesterday. Finally, I gave up and made a phone call right before I had to leave for the arena.