Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 116362 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 582(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116362 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 582(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
I imagine the look on my parents face when I tell them I have an agent. They don’t have to know about the pen names—in fact, I would make Blake swear to never ever tell anyone our secret because that’s exactly what it would be—our secret. But I could just say that my fantasy novel (that they so easily dismissed) garnered the right attention. I could even tell Sarah Price and hope the news gets to Alan and everyone else I went to high school with, the ones who thought I wouldn’t amount to anything besides a weirdo.
My only concern—other than selling out—is that I have zero experience in writing anything remotely erotic. I mean, I watch my little porn channel on the internet, I’m well-versed with my vibrators, and I know all of the kinky things I wanted to do with Alan even though he shied away from them for one reason or another. But I don’t know how to write it. I guess that’s Blake’s part, but I don’t know how to write romance and tender loving scenes either. My idea of romance is a guy who will take me to see an Avengers film and doesn’t mind dressing up like Loki afterward.
Fake it until you make it, I tell myself. Maybe this way I can indulge the sexual storyline of my novel without having to change the story. I wonder if Blake will mind if I name one of the characters Luthwen.
Feeling nervous as all hell, I send him a quick reply to his email.
I’m in. What next?
Kinkily yours, Amanda Hugandkiss
His response is almost immediate.
We get started. You should probably begin reading some of the stuff in the Top 20, at least the samples, just to get a feel for the flow and prose. If you end up jacking off over it, please let me know. With details.
Your place or mine?
Dick Buttkiss
I assume he means to work on the erotica together and not me jacking off. Speaking of, it’s funny how comfortable I am with him making remarks like that. I guess he’s slowly rubbing off on me, which is probably for the best considering what we’ll be embarking on.
My place has an inappropriate Estonian woman, and your place has something from my nightmares. You pick and I’ll be there. And if I end up masturbating because of poorly written porn, I’ll save it for our book and describe it in full detail. Sound good?
Yours sexually,
Fannie Pounder
I’m grinning stupidly at the computer, waiting for his reply, when Ana comes in all bleary-eyed.
“What are you so happy about?” she asks, and when she gets to the coffee maker she pauses.
Wait for it.
Her eyes light up.
“Your date!” she says excitedly.
“It wasn’t a date,” I remind her. “Get your coffee and I’ll tell you about it.”
She’s going to get a real kick out of my new situation. But as she’s clearing her crap from the table, I get the reply from Blake.
I have to work at the store this morning, but I’ll come get you at five. As much as I love inappropriate women, it’s probably best we handle our secret project in secret, so I’ll bring you here. We can order in and I’ll make sure the Harbinger of Doom doesn’t bother us.
Jack Goff.
Right.
Secret.
“So what happened?” Ana says, her eyes probing mine for any information, preferably of the dirty kind. If she only knew.
And now, she can’t.
“Uh,” I stammer, backpedaling. “We went to the pub and it was fun.”
“That’s it?”
“Yup.”
Her eyes narrow and she leans in close, her sun-damaged boobs mashed against the makeup on the table as she scrutinizes me. “I don’t believe you. You know, in Soviet Russia, they taught you how to break your enemy and learn the truth. Very. Easily.”
“Yeah, and you’re from Estonia, which was free from Soviet Russia after 1991. Were you recruited to the KGB as a teenager?”
She purses her puffy lips. “I know things,” she says finally, leaning back and slurping from her coffee.
“Well, it’s the truth. We had drinks and a good time, and that’s that.”
“And it wasn’t a date?” she asks suspiciously.
“Not a date. Just…it’s good to discuss things with a fellow writer.” And I shut my mouth before I say any more. I can’t talk about this shit with anyone, I just can’t risk it. I wouldn’t be surprised if Blake made me sign a confidentiality agreement.
“You’re a bit of a cockweasel,” she says bluntly.
“A cockweasel?”
“You made me think something more had happened.”
“I think you mean cocktease.”
“Cock something. Cocks right in your face and you’re just throwing them away.” She demonstrates, though it looks like she’s being attacked by flying dicks coming from all directions.
“Technically, Blake only has one cock.”
“How would you know? You haven’t seen it.”
“And I don’t plan on it,” I remind her.
I have some homework to do before Blake shows up, so I grab my Kindle Paperwhite and notepad and head to Willows Beach down the road to do some light reading and note-taking. I lie down on the grass under an arbutus tree and decide to read the most popular book on Amazon, sitting at number three on the charts, called Seduced by My Virgin Stepmother, which is described as a “light and fun read that no one should take seriously.” Well, at least they’re upfront about it, and judging by all the five star reviews, it seems a lot of people want exactly that.