Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 78867 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 394(@200wpm)___ 315(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78867 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 394(@200wpm)___ 315(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
There is no forgiveness for the part I played in all of this, and his comfort, albeit something I crave, isn’t something I feel like I can handle right now. I’m moments away from cracking.
I pull away from him, both grateful and sad that his arms just fall away rather than holding me tighter, and the man doesn’t say a word as I cross the room and lock myself in the bathroom.
I need to escape, not just him but all of these feelings. I need an exit strategy from the pain I’m feeling, but I know I’ll never find one. I don’t deserve any of it.
After washing my face, refusing to look at myself in the mirror, I return to my bedroom, finding Spade in my bed. Any other night, the sight of his exposed chest and abdomen would give me all sorts of ideas. I’d be making plans on where to put my mouth first, but my head is too full of everything else for anything of that nature to take hold.
I swallow thickly when he pulls back the blankets, a clear indication that I should join him in bed.
I hesitate and not for the same reasons I would’ve if the offer was made in Telluride. Then, I would’ve been indignant. I would’ve thought he was being manipulative. I would’ve accused him of having ulterior motives, but right now, I know he’s only offering kindness.
Like he said before, he’s very good at reading people. I know what my body craves despite my own inability to voice those needs myself, and he’s offering it to me.
Selfishly, I turn off the light and inch closer, climbing right into bed with the man, too tired to fight, too exhausted to continue to punish myself tonight.
I open my mouth to apologize, not just for what Will has done but also for playing a part in ruining his night. The countdown was missed. He wasn’t able to get one of those other women in his bed. He’s stuck here with me on orders from his boss once again when I just know he’d rather be anywhere else.
No words form on my tongue, but I gasp when I feel his hand on my hip.
I don’t want what he’s offering but will allow it as a form of punishment. The sex will be amazing. Eventually, he’ll manage to get me out of my head, but he doesn’t run his big hand down my hip and across to the apex of my thighs. He simply pulls me back into his expansive chest, hiking my leg up on his hip to close all the space between us.
He doesn’t mention my tears as they skate down his chest. He simply runs reassuring circles on my back as if he’s trying to lull me into a false sense of security.
It works because I start to allow myself imagining that I’m friends with this man, that there’s something more between us than once upon a time being angry lovers who are quite skilled at taking what they need from the other. I need the connection even though I know he’s going to rip it from me the very second I accept it. He’s no longer attracted to me. I can feel the softness of his disinterest against my thigh despite the grip he has on my leg.
I want to pull away, but I don’t. I can’t. He feels just a little too good, too warm, too perfect. The strong, rhythmic beat of his heart is calming, a balm to the soul-deep pain I’m feeling.
“Most people don’t notice the evil in others until it’s too late.” His voice booms out of his chest despite him whispering.
It feels like another slap in the face, another blow this man seems all too capable of delivering where I’m concerned.
He holds me tighter when I try to pull away.
“Humans inherently believe the face that people show them. They believe what they see is the true nature of the person. You have nothing to feel guilty for.”
His grip on me tightens, and I stop fighting him because what’s the point?
“I only know what to look for because of my training.”
I swallow before speaking. “That’s the nicest ‘I told you so’ ever.”
“Don’t forget that I walked away as well. In my gut, I knew something wasn’t right, but I left Telluride and didn’t do shit. I accepted that the intel on Will Varon was valid, that he was clean.” His fingers continue to paint maddening circles on my back as he speaks. “I had to force myself to accept that I was jealous, that I was projecting those emotions on him, especially after that maddening fucking display outside of his office.”
My stomach rolls with the memory of Will pressing his lips to my face and the way his hands wandered down my back.