Total pages in book: 210
Estimated words: 200837 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1004(@200wpm)___ 803(@250wpm)___ 669(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 200837 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1004(@200wpm)___ 803(@250wpm)___ 669(@300wpm)
But I think I am.
I must be.
Because this is the truth.
This is how I feel.
And I will never forgive Finn Scott for what he is about to do.
The next thing I know it’s eleven-thirty, the dance is over, and it’s time to go outside and walk over to the tower stage. We hit the chilled air and suddenly the bells are there, ringing, and ringing, and ringing—like they have been all day. But somehow, I had put them out of my mind. Pushed them into the background. Probably because they’ve been tolling almost constantly for two days and now it’s just… background noise.
But the clanging is suddenly too much. And I think it is the sound of these bells that is making me shake. The low, booming peal of the god’s call echoes through the air like a disturbance.
My mind is whirring and I feel… less than. If that makes any sense. Less than Haryet. Less than Brooke, and Piper, and Lucy, and both of the Mabels, and Marlowe. And especially less than Imogen, who was the first of us.
I’m an embarrassment, that’s what I am. And my whole life suddenly feels pointless and shallow. Like I walked through it as a shadow of what I could’ve been.
If only I’d tried harder or… something.
Then Gemna is beside me, taking my hand. And Finn is letting go, hugging me. Kissing me. Meaningless words spilling out of his mouth and into mine.
“I love you.” He just keeps saying this as we kiss. “I love you, Clara. I will love you forever.”
But it’s a lie. It’s nothing but a fucking lie. Already Haryet is a distant memory to the people of Tau City. Hell, they probably haven’t thought about Imogen in years. Probably don’t even remember the name of the Maiden who was sent in twenty years ago.
I know I don’t.
Then Finn is all the way across the stage, looking up at the tower. So I look up too and find that we are one minute to midnight.
One minute. That’s all I have left.
The moment this thought ends, the god’s bells stop and the clocktower bell starts chiming the final countdown.
I watch as the massive black doors begin to open and before I can even make a decision, my feet are walking forward, not under my control.
I’m being drawn in! Like there is a powerful magnet in there and I am nothing but iron.
Which is just funny. Because iron is strong, but I am weak.
And just as I think that, extreme heat fills my fingertips, floods my hands, flows up my arms and over my shoulders, and suddenly my entire body is aglow with cyan-blue spark.
I look over my shoulder, panic building inside me like an inferno. “Finn!” I call, desperate to beg one more time to be saved. “Finn!”
He looks at me, his face unreadable, and for a moment, I think he changes his mind. I think… I think he’s leaning forward. Yes! He’s coming! He’s going to save me!
But just as I think these thoughts, he leans back and that rescue I was anticipating disappears.
“Finn!”
“I can’t, Clara! I can’t!” He yells this over the tolling of the bells. But then, in the moments after, there is silence. It is midnight and I am at the threshold.
There’s no way for me to not cross it. I’m not in control anymore. It’s like… the god is compelling me to keep walking. This is what sends me over the edge. This is what makes me throw out any thoughts of entering this tower with grace. This is what sends me into a fury.
None of this is in my control. And I know for certain that it’s not in Finn’s control, either. He can’t come rescue me any more than I can rescue myself.
Still, all I have left is fear and rage, so that’s what I cling to. “Whatever happened to ‘You’re my future. And the god can’t take you away from me. Not ever?’ Whatever happened to that?”
When I look over my shoulder Finn is panicking. But he’s not going to do anything and I only have one breath left so I scream, “I will never forgive you! Ever. I will hate you ’till the end of time!”
Then I am across the threshold, entering the blackness, and the God’s Tower doors slam shut behind me.
“How did we get here? It’s a question I ask myself often. How did this world arrive to a place where murderers are celebrated with pretty watercolor illustrations in books? How did we come to a place in time where one half of the line believes the murder of gods is justified? I’ll tell you how. We have isolated ourselves. We have split ourselves into two camps—Alpha and Omega. But there’s room, folks. There’s room for the middle ground here in the Medians where we don’t condone the murder of the innocent, regardless of species. At least give them a trial! The Godslayer is a black mark on the name of gods everywhere. Whether they are for or against this genocide, they will all be judged for his actions.”