Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 70429 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 352(@200wpm)___ 282(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70429 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 352(@200wpm)___ 282(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
“I can be open but not lookin’, and that’s what I am. Why? You tryna put in a bid?” She chuckled. “I don’t give you too much thought,” she teased, taking a jab at him.
“Oh, really now?” He no doubt could tell she was full of it. “And why’s that? I figured I’d at least get an honorable mention.”
“You’re in Georgia and I’m here in Kentucky. Naw, we ain’t worlds away and I’ll do a long-distance relationship if there’s a plan to make that end, but I get the feelin’ you’re much too busy for a relationship. But of course, we make time for what we wanna make time for, don’t we?”
“I believe we do, Azure. I believe we do.” He took a drag of his cigar, then placed it down on the ashtray. “You try ’nd come across as if you have no problems. Nothin’ in the world.”
“Didn’t nobody tell you that, at least not me. Everybody got problems. Just because I’m not blabbin’ my business doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I can sit on ’em. Lament on ’em. Or move around them sons of bitches.”
“So you had a pretty good childhood? No big problems?”
“It was good enough. My mama was a dental hygienist. We moved around a lot mostly ’cause of money and her wanting me to be in good schools, but my mama was a good mother overall. She was kind, God fearin’, helpful.”
“You said ‘was’. Is she not a good mama now?”
Her brow rose. Well damn. She did say ‘was.’ “…She still is now. She’s just busy with work ’nd all. She works a lot. Always did.”
“No stepfather?”
“Nope.” She shook her head and tapped her nails against her glass. “She had boyfriends here and there, but she never got married. She didn’t seem in no hurry to do so, either. From what I gather, she always felt like marriage ain’t for everybody. She grew up seeing a lot of dysfunction. She ain’t want me to have to go through that, too.”
He nodded in understanding.
“What about your father?”
“You know, me and daddy had a decent relationship. He worked a lot, too. He did get married, actually. To my brother’s mama. They’re divorced now though. He lives in Texas, too. No real problems with my daddy. When I needed money for school or somethin’, he’d always send it.”
“But was he there for you?”
She picked up her cigar, gave it a good puff, then set it down in the ashtray next to his.
“Not as much as he should have been…”
She held her head high. Perhaps he saw past her bravado, too? It had been a bit of a sore spot for her, but she’d tried to be understanding of her father. He was a dentist in Houston and was always booked. He’d call and see how she was doing, even visit sometimes, and he always made certain neither she nor her mama were starving. But she always wanted more, and the more didn’t have shit to do with money…
“I’ll keep it a hundred with you, okay?” She picked up her cigar, took another drag, then set it back down. “…Keep it a whole buck. I don’t like talkin’ about my daddy too much.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, it’s not because he’s a bad man or did me wrong, nothing like that, but because I always felt a little guilty when it came to him. I knew he was busy, ya see, and I’d call and ask him to come on up and see me anyway. See, he’s from Texas but had moved here for a lil’ while. That’s when he met my mama. Then, he wanted to start his own dental practice so when they called it quits, he left. I guess he figured since I was thirteen at the time I’d be all right, but honestly, Caspian, I wasn’t.”
She looked down at the ashtray, catching the swirls of smoke rising, slowly but surely. “Sometimes I just wish he was there more… but I know so many folks had it worse. I know he loves me. I know he had bills to pay.”
“Maybe if you’d been a bill, he would have paid more attention to you, too.”
His words made her head snap back. They came out so fast, yet so smoothly. So real. She shrugged and picked up her glass.
“I can’t too much argue with that.” She took a sip then placed it back on the table. “Let me tell you something though, Caspian. Expectations are a hell of a drug.” She looked down at her favorite jade ring on her right pointer finger and adjusted it. “I had to learn how to forgive myself for seein’ my father, certain so-called friends, ex-boyfriends and the like as some sort of riddle for me to solve. Somebody’s lack of reciprocation in feelings is not a test to persuade anyone of my value. I learned that lesson. I learned it fast, too.”.