Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 93957 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93957 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
“Why do you keep bringing up sex? This isn’t about sex, Johnny. It’s business.”
“Sex and money go hand in hand. You know that, and so does your investor friend. That’s why they want Zero on their stupid water bottle. The band is sexy. Our music is sexy. It’s hypocritical to partner with us on one venture and ask us not to associate with someone who wants the same thing from us. Sex. Why? Because it sells!”
I leveled him with a fierce scowl. “I thought you weren’t into business.”
“I’m not. But I’m not an idiot. I know what the score is, and I see what you’re doing. You can’t control me, and you can’t manage me.”
“Johnny, I’m not trying to manage you. I’m trying to manage a business deal. That’s all.”
“I’m not your business. I’m just a guy in a band. It’s hilarious that I’m a focus of any campaign. Me?” He pointed at his chest, widening his eyes in disbelief. “I’m a nobody. I’m your complete opposite. I’m a punk-ass schmuck from the wrong side of the tracks.”
“You’re a star.”
He snorted. “No, I’m not.”
“You will be someday. Wasn’t that the goal?”
“Not mine. I just didn’t want to be like my mom. That’s it. My bar was so low, I would have had to try hard to blow it. I came from nothing, and I don’t expect anything. I have imposter’s syndrome like no one you know. If someone walked in the door right now and said this was their house, I might believe them.”
“But this is your home, and this is your life. Just like me, I’m sure you do what you must to preserve it.”
“Probably not.” He snickered at my exasperated huff. “Everything could disappear tomorrow…the house, the money, the fans—and I’d be bummed, but I’d be okay. No one depends on me to do anything but play music.”
“You’re living the dream,” I said, draining the last of my Scotch. I held it on my tongue, letting it burn my mouth for a moment before swallowing. “My dreams have nothing to do with what I want. That’s the real difference between me and you. And as someone who’s lost and rebuilt a life, I assure you, it’s not easy. Hell, I don’t know if I could do it again.”
Johnny smiled as he pulled my jacket around himself and leaned forward. “Of course you could. You’re a hero.”
I bumped his knee under the table. “And you’re an asshole.”
He raised his glass in a mock toast. “Touché.”
We shared a laugh and held eye contact. His wild hair and tattooed arms were an interesting contrast to the traditional cut of my expensive coat. Like he said, he was my exact opposite. He was young, brave, idealistic, and unburdened. He didn’t live in fear. That had to feel amazing.
I’d been young, brave, and idealistic, but I’d never been free of fear. Ever. I was suddenly very curious about him. The guy who wore black and lived in a monochrome house had to have a story.
“What color sofa did you order?” I asked out of the fucking blue.
“Random much?” Johnny chuckled. “Black.”
“I thought so. Why do you wear black?”
“It’s easy.”
“And?”
“I’m color-blind.”
“Right. I think Tegan mentioned it once. I’d forgotten. Is there another reason?” I prodded.
Johnny cocked his head. “To match my hair…and my sofa when it gets here.”
“What color is your hair naturally?”
“Brown. Plain ol’ brown.”
I narrowed my eyes. “No, I don’t think so. What is it? Tell me.”
“Brown, but there’s some red in it. Chestnut, I guess. I don’t know. I can’t see it now anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”
He was lying, but I let it go. “What did you want to be when you were a kid?”
“An assassin,” he deadpanned, cracking up at my immediate scowl. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I wanted to be a police officer and a firefighter. I wanted to be in charge. Can you believe that?”
“Actually, yes. Why?”
“When I was a kid, my role models were on television or even video games. I liked the idea of strong, take-charge people. I think it was because I didn’t know those people in real life. I knew users, losers, and sycophants. I was literally surrounded by people I didn’t want to be like. At all. I saw them make crappy, selfish choices time after time. I saw their willful ignorance and ugly posturing, and I promised myself I would never repeat those mistakes.”
“So you wanted to be in control?”
“Are you reverse psychoanalyzing me?” he asked suspiciously.
“I suppose I am. You know there’s an argument that perhaps we’re not so different underneath the armor. You use lipstick, guyliner, and the color black as a shield. And your guitar is your weapon.”
“And you?”
“I use education, ego, intelligence. Sometimes I use my belongings or my influence. If I have to, I use myself. I’m completely without conscience when it comes to protecting those I love. I would lie, cheat, steal. I’d beg or borrow without asking for terms or conditions. I’m unscrupulous, but I try to be fair. I live in chaos behind a well-built façade. And every day I’m afraid that it’ll come crashing around my ears like a house of cards,” I rasped.