Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 128260 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128260 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
He took a drink of water and then set the bottle on the table. “Huh?”
I grabbed both his hands this time, nearly knocking the bottle off the table. “I think there’s passion in you, Alex. If you meet the right woman, the one who knows how to bring that out, the one who sets fire to your soul, the one who knows how to save you from yourself. Oh, Alex, you deserve that, and I believe she’s out there.”
He brought his head back, looking at me like I was crazy. “She? What are you saying, Grace?”
“I can’t marry you, Alex,” I whispered.
“You can’t…what? What’s going on here?”
I closed my eyes for a couple beats. “I’m so sorry. I wish I had realized this sooner.”
He took a deep breath and then resumed splitting the food between us. “Grace, you’re nervous about having me spend quality time with your family. It’s normal. It’s a big step. Almost as big as getting engaged.”
I shook my head. “No, please. Listen to me.”
He stilled, looking up into my eyes, obviously seeing that this wasn’t some cold feet situation that he should simply wait to pass. “Okay, I’m listening,” he said quietly.
I licked my lips, my heart beating loudly in my ears. “I’m so sorry. I love you too… I really do. But not enough.” Like a friend. Or… a brother. Oh, God, Abby was right.
His eyes moved over my face. “You’re not in love with me? Is that what you’re saying?”
My shoulders crumpled. “No, I’m not.” I looked into his eyes. “And I think, Alex, if you really search your heart, you’ll realize that we were never right for each other as more than friends.”
He tilted his head, but didn’t reply. I could see he was taking stock of this, evaluating the facts as he knew them,sifting quickly through the evidence he might have overlooked, coming up with an argument, or perhaps determining if there was an argument to be made.
“I never ever wanted to hurt you,” I whispered. “If I had figured this out before now, I wouldn’t have done it in the middle of an airport right before Christmas. Because I know this is shitty, Alex. But now that I’ve admitted the truth to myself, I can’t possibly keep it from you. You deserve to know.”
He let out a long, slow exhale. Sadness filled his expression. Hurt. He looked away and then tapped the pads of his fingers on the edge of the table for a moment. I sat still, waiting for him to digest what I was telling him, to make his argument if that’s what he’d decided to do. After a minute, he met my gaze again. “Maybe I’m not completely surprised by this,” he said.
“You’re not?”
He shook his head. “No. You’ve been distant lately, distracted. I noticed it, Grace, and it made me wonder why it didn’t bother me more. I’d decided to think about that after the holidays, when I had more free time.”
Rational Alex. It almost made me smile. Even if he was slightly passionless—at least for me—he really was a good person and I really did care about him.
“And maybe you’re right,” he went on. “I don’t know. The timing has kind of taken me by surprise here.” He paused, studying me again. “Is there someone else?”
I closed my eyes for a couple beats. “Yes. But he isn’t the reason why we shouldn’t get married.” It’s just that he challenges me… He excites me… He saves me from myself in ways big and small. It was becoming clearer and clearer by the moment. I hated hurting Alex, but this was right. I knew it was.
“Who is he?” Alex asked.
“Someone from my past… It doesn’t matter. He’s not the reason we’re not right together. He just helped me to see what I already knew deep inside.”
“Would you be breaking up with me if he didn’t exist?”
“I think so, yes. Maybe not today, but yes. I’m so sorry,” I repeated.
He paused, staring off behind me. After a minute, he said, “Maybe this is right, for both of us. It still doesn’t make it easy. Especially in the middle of an airport.”
“I know… I just, I couldn’t pretend everything was fine this week…” I said, a lump forming in my throat, my words dying.
We stared at each other across the table, and though there was pain in his expression, there was also understanding, and I thought… a glimmer of… relief. Maybe he didn’t even realize that that emotion was skating at the edge of whatever else he was feeling, but I was pretty sure that in a short amount of time, he would. I blew out a breath. After a minute, he said, “Work…”
“I’ll find a new job if you want me to. I’d never make this worse for you. I—”