Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 128260 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128260 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
“I know,” I said and she laughed. I grinned back, kissed her on her lips, and jumped up and helped her to her feet. I gathered her in my arms, my smile fading as I wiped some almost-melted snow off her cheek. “I know it’s not possible to entirely stop thinking about everything that’s going on with Josh and that’s good, because some small idea could be the thing that gives us a break. But sometimes realizations occur when you distract yourself with something else. So, let’s distract ourselves today. What do you say?”
She took in a breath and nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay,” I repeated.
I shook my jacket out and put it back on and then I brushed Grace off and we walked to my truck. A few minutes later we were headed into town.
I took my phone out as we drove and texted the guys. I had told them that I’d text them anytime I had cell service and then they would know they could call me if they needed to.
We drove to the supermarket in town and when we got out and started walking to the store, I grinned over at Grace. I thought back to the day before, when I had run into this same supermarket for a couple items to sustain me for a few days. What a difference a day made. It was still surreal that Grace was here with me.
“What?” she asked.
“Nothing, just you,” I said, grabbing her hand. “You make me happy.”
She let go of my hand and grabbed me around the waist and squeezed me.
Half an hour later, our cart was loaded up with everything we’d need for the next couple of days. Christmas was two days away, so Grace insisted on buying a ham and several different side dishes and the ingredients for some dessert that was a tradition in her family’s household.
As she read the back of a can of something, I asked, “Grace, your family…” I trailed off, not knowing exactly how to ask if they were okay with her missing Christmas to be with me, someone they had never even met, probably never even heard of. Someone she had gone to directly on the heels of a broken engagement.
She turned to me. “My sisters are ecstatic, Carson. They knew that Alex wasn’t the one for me the first time they met him. My dad…well, that’s probably a different story because he’ll have more… practical concerns about whether I’m having some sort of nervous breakdown. But my sisters have tricks up their sleeves as far as handling him, and as far as making him understand. It’ll be fine.” She looked confident, and so as long as she felt good about it, so did I.
We walked to the deli counter and ordered several things behind the case, and I stood waiting as Grace walked a few steps away to look at something on a shelf next to the counter.
I glanced over at two young women who looked to be in their early twenties who were giggling and smiling at me. I smiled a small, polite smile and looked away as I heard one of them whisper, “He’s so hot!” I had this moment of anxiety where I wondered if they would recognize me from one of my films. I braced for, Isn’t that Carson Stinger, Straight Male Performer? I forced myself to relax, picking up a package of pita bread and pretending to read the ingredients. That description had been what was on my nametag that weekend, but no one had ever referred to me that way in the business. Sometimes though, for whatever reason, I still thought of him, that version of myself who had done intimate acts with strangers in front of cameras that way. A title. A product. A commodity.
The moments I felt emotionally impacted by those memories were few and far between now, but they did still happen. Maybe it would be a long, long time before I was able to figure out how to successfully merge who I’d been then, with who I was now. Or maybe the separation was good and necessary. I suppose I was still a work in progress on that front.
Grace approached and I saw her glance at the young women quickly before looking back to me. “Are you okay?” she asked. Whatever was on my face had obviously concerned her.
I smiled. “Yeah. I’m fine.” I leaned down and kissed her lips.
We put our order in the cart a few minutes later and then walked over to the small pharmacy at the back of the store.
We found the condom shelves and Grace glanced around before grabbing a box and putting it in our cart under some other items.
I couldn’t help laughing at her, and as I did she turned around, glared at me, and started pulling the cart. “Come on, let’s go,” she whispered.