Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 128260 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128260 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
I nodded. I’d already done as much thinking on the way here as I needed to. Add to that the fact that I didn’t have any other options, and that this whole sudden idea had excitement buzzing beneath my skin, and I knew my answer. “Let’s get started,” I said.
CHAPTER 14
Grace
I sat on my bed half-heartedly studying. My heart was heavy and I felt a longing inside that I couldn’t quench. I missed him, plain and simple. When was this feeling going to let up? It had been a few days since I’d gotten home from Vegas and it felt like my emotions were intensifying instead of weakening. I had only known him for two and a half days. Didn’t it make sense that I could forget him in that amount of time too?
I sighed and lay back on my pillow, staring at the ceiling. What was he doing right now? Was he on set? I cringed at the though. Then again, he’d told me he had only done four films in six months and he’d just shot one a couple days before. A fierce surge of jealousy rose up in me when I pictured him with someone else, even someone he’d never see again. I wanted to scream at the very thought. And then I wanted to throw myself on the floor and cry until I was exhausted and numb. That’s what you get when you develop feelings for a porn star, Grace. I was an idiot, just like Abby had jokingly called me.
But how had he handled it? Had it been hard for him too, like he’d told me it would be? He’d said I’d changed things for him. And realistically, what that might mean was that my short-term legacy would be that I made his life more difficult. I had a hard time hoping for that. And yet, he could do so much more. I couldn’t be the one to dictate that for him though. He’d have to decide that himself. It’s why I had walked away. It’s why I had had no choice but to walk away. God, he probably wished he’d never met me.
I didn’t feel that way about him though, as much as I hurt. I knew what he did, but he was more to me than that. If he weren’t, it would have been easy to walk away. I might have even run. And therein lay the problem. An impossible problem.
I lay there for a little while longer, lost in my thoughts, when I got a very, very bad idea. I wrestled with it for a few minutes before I stood up and grabbed my laptop off my desk. I powered it up and sat cross-legged on my bed, my hands shaking as I typed his name into Google search. The first site on the list was a website called ArtLove.com and against my better judgment, heart racing, I clicked on it. I knew this was a bad idea and yet it was like I was possessed. I was powerless to stop myself.
“Grace?” Abby called as I heard the front door shut.
“In here,” I called back, reducing the screen before it had fully loaded.
I heard her footsteps and looked up from the computer when she appeared in my doorway in her school uniform, black pants and a white chef’s coat.
“What are you doing?” she asked suspiciously, taking her hair out of the ponytail it was in and massaging her scalp. “Your cheeks are bright red.”
“Um, looking up porn,” I said, half-grimacing, half-smiling.
Abby’s hand froze in her hair. “Uh, okay. You do have a lock on your door, you know?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m looking up Carson, Abby.”
She stared at me for a minute. “Is that such a good idea?”
“Probably not, but it’s like I have to see it. I have to know the reality of it. I have to move on.” Would this help? I didn’t know, but it seemed like it might.
She hesitated but then came and sat down on the bed next to me. “All right then, doll, I’m gonna hold your hand.”
“Thanks, Abs,” I said as I clicked on the reduced screen to bring it up.
I had never looked at porn before and so I had no idea what to expect. My eyes grew large as I saw naked people engaged in all manner of sex acts. “Oh my God,” I breathed.
I looked over at Abby and her head was tilted and a small smile was on her face. “This is the site he works for?”
I nodded. “He said he has a two-year contract. It must be with this site. Why?”
She looked at me. “Have you ever seen porn, Gracie?”
“I mean, I’ve seen images here and there, pop up ads… whatever,” I said. I felt defensive like I sounded totally uptight. Porn had just never really… called to me. Romance books were more my jam. When I had the time to read for pleasure. Which… wasn’t often.