Total pages in book: 23
Estimated words: 21966 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 110(@200wpm)___ 88(@250wpm)___ 73(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 21966 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 110(@200wpm)___ 88(@250wpm)___ 73(@300wpm)
“Jake doesn’t want me,” Lennon says again, sounding lost.
“If you hear someone talking about you, then you should ask them about it. Maybe they can explain, because sometimes adults say stuff but it’s not exactly what they mean.”
“That’s because adults suck,” Lennon grumbles.
I laugh a little and agree. “Yeah, sometimes we do.” I go down on my knees and look directly at him, a hand on each of his little legs. “Let me ask you something, Lennon. Do you trust me?” Lennon nods his head yes in answer. “Then listen when I tell you that your dad does want you very much.”
“He said he didn’t. He even left Mom all alone.”
“The thing is, buddy, your daddy never knew you existed until he came back into town.”
“He didn’t?”
“Nope, and that’s kind of my fault. That’s why Jake is so mad at me. I kind of kept you a secret and I shouldn’t have. The minute Jake found out about you he came straight here.”
“Jake came here for me?” Lennon asks.
“He did. He loves you very much and every time you say you hate him, it hurts him.”
“Why did you lie?”
I close my eyes as a wave of pain hits me and I don’t even try to stop my tears. I look at the little boy who has owned my heart from the first breath he took. “I lied because I wanted you to be mine and I didn’t want to lose you,” I admit, my heart breaking. “I was afraid there wouldn’t be room for me in your life any longer.”
Lennon wraps his body around me, startling me. I was scared after I admitted what I’d done he wouldn’t want me anywhere near him again. “It’s okay, Jeff. There is room. I love you. I could love my daddy and you, too.”
“Yeah, you can do that, buddy. You can do that,” I admit, squeezing him before letting him pull back.
“We can still play and spend time together.”
“That we can,” I murmur, my heart breaking.
“You promise?”
“I promise,” I vow. “And I need you to promise something, too, okay?”
“What?”
“I need you to give your daddy a chance because he loves you.”
“You think he does?”
“I know it. In fact, Lennon, you’re a very lucky man because so many people love you and want to be part of your life.”
“I guess so,” Lennon grouses as only a child can.
“If you’re honest, you love Jake, too.”
“Kind of. He takes care of me and Mommy since Mommy got hurt. He makes me pancakes and reads to me, too.”
“See, Lenny.”
“Sometimes he colors with me, too. Although, he always colors the sky blue and that’s not right. Sometimes the sky is orange, purple, or even yellow.”
I ruffle his hair, wiping away my tears and trying to keep anymore from escaping. There will be time for crying later—when I’m alone. “Then, that will be your job, buddy. You will have to show Jake how to color.”
“You really think Jake loves me?” Lennon asks.
“I love you more than anything in this world, son,” Jake says. My gaze moves up to see my brother standing in the door, tears running down his face.
Hell, I guess it’s the day for crying because Katie’s doing the same just behind Jake and I feel tears stinging my eyes again. Lennon turns to look at Jake and then, without warning, he goes over to stand in front of my brother.
“Did you really not know about me?”
“I really didn’t.”
“I can love you and Jeff, too, you know.”
“Yeah, I know,” Jake says, his voice gruff.
“So, you won’t fight anymore, because family shouldn’t fight.”
“They shouldn’t?”
“No, because families love each other.”
I get up and slap my brother on the shoulder in a small show of support as he hugs Lennon to him. “I love you, Lennon,” Jake says, hugging him close.
I leave the room. I need some air.
This is right. This is how everything should be. It’s how it should have been all along.
It doesn’t change the fact that it’s not painful as hell.
CHAPTER 11
Jeff
“Thank you for that, Jeff,” Katie says, following behind me with her walker.
“I didn’t tell Lennon about Jake. He already knew,” I quickly tell her, not wanting her to think I’d do something like that to hurt anyone.
“We heard,” she admits.
I feel a little bitter inside realizing they listened in because they didn’t trust me to talk to Lennon on my own. I realize I probably brought that distrust on myself, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt. I push it aside. It’s just another sign that I don’t belong here. We all need distance right now.
“Lennon’s right, you know? There’s still room for you in his life—in all our lives. Just because things are different doesn’t mean they can’t be good, Jeff.”
“I will still see Lennon on holidays and things. I just…” I stop talking and look up at the woman who has owned my heart for most of my life. “I need some space, Katie. I need time to heal and find the man I used to be.”