Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 117506 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 588(@200wpm)___ 470(@250wpm)___ 392(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117506 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 588(@200wpm)___ 470(@250wpm)___ 392(@300wpm)
She tilted her head and stared at me for a moment. “Let’s see...one reason would be that he obviously helped make the baby.”
I shook my head again. “I don’t even know if I’m pregnant. I’m late. That’s all. Could be stress, or something.”
“Is this normal? To be late?”
I swallowed hard. “No. I’m on the pill, so I’m very spot on with my periods.”
A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “Why don’t we go and get a test? You might be worried over nothing.”
I wanted to believe her, but there was a feeling deep inside of me that knew I was, in fact, pregnant with Dirk’s baby. My breasts were tender, and I almost always felt nauseous and tired. Lord, I was so tired.
I nodded. “Right, I need to find out.”
“Let me get Milo settled in, and then I’ll follow you to your place.”
An hour later, we were at my house, which was closer to town than the Shaw ranch.
I felt my hands shake as I held the stick. “Please don’t be pregnant. Please, please, please.”
A light knock on the door had me looking up. “Yeah?”
“Merit, pee on the thing already. If you’re pregnant, it’s not going to be the end of the world!” Timberlynn said with such innocence in her voice.
How could I tell her I wasn’t really ready to be a single parent? That with everything going on with my father, the farm, my unstable emotional self, there was no way I could bring a child into the world. And then there was Dirk. He would feel trapped and think I’d want him to stop bull riding and stay in Montana. I knew, of course, he wouldn’t.
That would mean he’d hardly ever see the baby. He wouldn’t be a part of his or her life like they would need a father to be.
With a groan, I closed my eyes and said another prayer. “Please, please, please, don’t be pregnant.”
I peed on the stick and then placed it on the small bit of toilet paper I had put on the bathroom sink. Then I flushed, washed my hands, and walked out of the bathroom. Timberlynn looked at me, her eyes dancing with excitement. I was glad one of us was feeling some other emotion besides dread.
“Well?” she asked.
“I haven’t looked at it, and I don’t know if I’m ready to look at it. Like if I don’t look at it, I can live in my state of denial for a bit longer.”
I headed down the hall to the kitchen. Timberlynn didn’t follow me, so I knew she had stayed back. I poured two glasses of cold tea and then searched for something to eat. I was starving and realized I hadn’t even eaten since last night. I had been in my house for a little over a month, and I still hadn’t stocked up with all the things I needed in my pantry.
Timberlynn walked into the kitchen and sat at the island. She picked up the tea and drank it. I couldn’t read her face at all.
“I know what you’re thinking: how could I not want a baby.”
She gave me a warm smile. “I’m not thinking that at all.”
I wrapped my arm around my body as I felt a sudden chill sweep over me.
“If you are pregnant, tell me why you don’t want to tell Dirk.”
If I was pregnant. Timberlynn hadn’t looked at the test yet. I let out the breath I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding.
“I…wouldn’t want him to think I did it on purpose. I was the one who made the first move that night.”
“Well, he didn’t stop you. So you aren’t solely to blame.”
I shook my head and smiled slightly as I let out a humorless laugh. “No, he didn’t stop me. He was as caught up in the moment as I was. But…but I was so cold toward him afterward.”
She frowned but didn’t speak.
“I made him think that having sex with him meant nothing. That it was only a do-over from the first time we’d slept together.”
“Why would you do that?” Timberlynn asked with a confused look on her face.
I leaned against the counter. “I’ve never talked to anyone about the night Dirk and I first slept together. We were best friends. He meant the world to me, and I’m not really sure when I actually fell in love with him, but I did, and I fell hard.” I sighed and closed my eyes. “So very hard.”
When I opened them again, Timberlynn was looking at me. She smiled and placed her chin on her hand, waiting for the rest of the story with a dreamy look in her eyes.
“Of course, to Dirk I was like a sister, I think. When he wasn’t with me, he was with Brock and Kaci.”
“Brock’s first wife,” Timberlynn said.