Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 82415 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82415 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
She was right. I knew she was, but something felt off.
“Have you told him?” Brooklyn asked.
“No. I can’t.”
“Pretty sure you can.”
I shrugged, because technically, I could tell the guy who didn’t want love for himself, who had his heart crushed the one time he put himself out there, who I was only supposed to be hanging out with, that I was crazy in love with him, but I was fairly certain that would be the end of us.
Before I could reply, a text came through my phone.
Miss me? Shaw asked, and I smiled.
Yes.
“See?” Brooklyn said. “You’re trippin’ about nothing. Your boy is crazy about you.”
God, I hoped so. And if he was, I hoped it was enough.
Miss you too .
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Shaw
Sitting in front of my parents’ house felt like déjà vu, only this time, they hadn’t called me over to listen to them complain about each other. I came of my own volition since I was stressing out, trying to come to terms with how I felt about Eli and how I was pretty sure he felt about me. All I could think about was how much I wanted him, wanted this thing between us to work out, but I didn’t want to end up like my parents. I didn’t want to let him down, and part of me feared I’d always be like them, or that there was something unlovable about me. That one day Elijah would wake up and wonder why he wanted me in the first place, and then he would throw me away like Richie had.
So yeah. There I was, hoping to find some clarity from the two people who helped me get all screwed up in the first place.
But damned if I didn’t want more.
I got out of the car and went to the door. I knocked, and heard the muffled sound of laughter. It immediately set me on edge. My parents were likely smiling and happy and giving it another go while my thoughts and feelings were all scrambled up.
“Shaw! Isn’t this a surprise!” Mom said, pulling the door open. “Especially since you’ve been ignoring our phone calls.”
I just…didn’t understand them. How they could be so self-centered. “What did you expect? One minute the two of you use me as a weapon against each other, and the next you’re one big happy family again. I’m tired of it, so damn tired.” And I was. My bones didn’t want to hold me up anymore. I was pretty sure without Eli, they wouldn’t.
“I know. I’m sorry. You know how we are, how your father is. The two of you are a lot alike. But we’ve fixed it; we’re working on things.”
Shaking my head, I walked inside, my hands fisted as thoughts bombarded my brain…all the things I planned to say to them. Then I would go home to E, tell him what happened, and we would figure it out together.
“But that’s not important right now. I have a surprise for you,” Mom said just as I walked around the corner and into the dining room.
Ice crystalized in my veins, and I got dizzy as my past and present collided into a cyclone in my brain.
“Shaw…it’s good to see you,” Richie said. It was the first normal thing he’d said to me since that night at his house. After that it had been nothing but anger and disgust.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I gritted between clinched lips. “What is he doing here?” I said to my parents.
“Shaw!” Mom shrieked.
“No, no. It’s okay. I’m here looking for you. I came to see you,” he said softly, insecurely, in that same voice he’d used when he’d said my name over and over while I’d blown him.
An invisible weight slammed into my chest. I couldn’t breathe, like something was sucking the air out of me. “No.” I shook my head. “No, I can’t do this.” I came here to deal with my parents, not Richie… Richie, whom I hadn’t spoken to in years. Richie, whom I’d spent my childhood laughing with and talking with and falling in love with. Richie, who’d hurt me more than my parents did.
Richie stood, his sandy-blond hair hanging over his forehead. “I deserve that.” He pushed his hands into his pockets. His spine curled. “But I’m asking you anyway…and that probably makes me a selfish bastard. I’ve probably always been that way, but I’m trying to get better. Will you give me a chance? Just talk to me?”
I could feel my parents’ hot stares but couldn’t pull my gaze away from Richie. They never knew what happened between us, only that we were friends and then we weren’t.
I couldn’t make sense of it. The wires in my brain weren’t connecting. After years, he was here. I used to want him back, want his friendship while we were still in school, and then after graduation, after he moved, I’d wanted him to come and apologize, to tell me he loved me, because I really had loved him. Richie held so much of my past. Helped me through the drama of growing up as Shaw Hastings.