Total pages in book: 141
Estimated words: 133213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 666(@200wpm)___ 533(@250wpm)___ 444(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 133213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 666(@200wpm)___ 533(@250wpm)___ 444(@300wpm)
Carys took an even longer drink because that wasn’t the answer she’d been looking for.
“But not the way your jealous mind is thinking,” her cousin continued. “Tris has had a connection to you and Aidan all of his life. He was pretty much the Dom right from the beginning. In the way most Doms in our lives are Doms. He didn’t make all the decisions, but when it was something important, he took control. Did he initiate sex the first time?”
“He planned it all out. He made it special,” she admitted. “I think Aidan would have just done it and been happy, but Tris plotted and turned it into something magical. Then he found all the weaknesses in my dad’s security system and started visiting me after hours.”
They’d all been insatiable. It had been damn lucky her parent’s bedroom was on the first floor and opposite hers. She’d had to bribe the hell out of her younger brother and then cover for him when his horny ass discovered sex.
“Hey, didn’t we all. I used to spend Saturday nights at Coop’s.” She stopped and chuckled. “I would have totally gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for those meddling kidnappers.”
Her cousin used humor to cover her pain. Carys had always known it, but now she wondered how deep the pain went. “Does Coop know?”
Kala’s head shook. “I stopped talking to that asshole the night it all went down. We eventually became friends again, but none of this matters. What does matter is how Tris is wired. A lot of his identity is tied up in being a Dom. He was raised around the lifestyle. It makes sense to him.”
“But his partners weren’t there.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Kala countered. “Being in the club, even topping subs, made him feel closer to you. Because it made him feel more like the him he was when he was with you. I can’t be certain this is exactly the way he feels, but I would bet it’s close. When I put on my fet wear, I tap into a part of me I like. A part of me that’s not afraid of anything. A part of me that’s still capable of maybe one day forming a connection with someone. Or repairing a connection with someone. A part of me that still trusts.”
Her heart ached for her cousin. Would it ache for herself if she couldn’t figure this out? “It feels like cheating.”
“But to him it felt like reaching out across space and touching some part of you.” Kala’s voice went wistful. “When he was disciplining a submissive, he was fulfilling the role he always had in your life. He was using it as a touchstone. Not something that showed him all the possibilities he could have, but rather it showed him what he loved. Like a memory. Sometimes those can fuel us when everything else seems lost.”
Tears pierced her eyes. Had Tristan been trying to keep a door open when she’d thought he’d locked it? The idea made her want to melt and yet… “It doesn’t make it right. He shut me out. He could have had the real thing.”
Kala knocked back the rest of her drink. “He did. I understand that, too. He did some shitty things to get this job done. He says it was to protect you, but some of it was about protecting him. How would his sainted doctor girlfriend feel when she saw how much blood was on his hands? Carys, it’s probably time for you to call it. You know there’s a point of no return in any attempted resuscitation. Not much you can do if the doc working on the patient shrugs and walks away.” Kala looked down at her watch. “Time of death. 11:10 p.m.”
Tears gone. She was back to anger. Maybe it had been a stupid idea to think Kala could take this seriously. “What is that supposed to mean? And don’t tell me I didn’t fight. I’m sick of hearing that. I asked him to come home. He said no.”
“Preach, sister.” Kala slapped at the bar. “He said no. Leave his ass. He’s not worth it. He said no. He’s stubborn. He doesn’t deserve you and you can totally do better. While you’re at it, Aidan’s a prick, too. I mean he hid shit. You need one-hundred-percent honesty or the relationship is over. Don’t worry about it. Mom will set you up with some accountant dude who will never, ever put his relationship on hold to try to save the world.” She chuckled. “Not that Tris did a great job. He kind of sucked at it.”
“You are such a bitch.” Carys stared at her cousin.
Kala seemed to sober and fiddled with her glass, rattling the ice around. “So I’ve heard. Look, Car, you’ve come to the wrong person if you want me to give you advice. You either love him and can forgive him, or you love him and you’ll feel his loss for the rest of your fucking life. Personally, I went for door number two, and I spend my nights drinking and I only feel like the me I could have been when I’m in the club and he’s at my side. I’m in a box. You want to climb in with me or do you want to realize it’s not worth tossing out years of love and devotion because he faltered? It’s not bad, you know. The box. We have vodka and cookies and the deep sense of satisfaction that you never dragged him down with you. I can scoot over and you can sit here with me. You can let me drag you down instead. Always knew I would.”