Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 62783 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 314(@200wpm)___ 251(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62783 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 314(@200wpm)___ 251(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
I’d locked him up in the drunk tank and filled out all the necessary paperwork before heading straight to Anne’s. I wasn’t in uniform anymore, but I was fucking tempted to head back there regardless of not being on duty.
But that’s not what she needed right now.
“There have been several other times I’ve tried this, you know,” she said, and I furrowed my brow, trying to follow her train of thought. “Sobriety,” she explained. “There were so many bottoms I hit. So many experiences where I’d wake up and not remember where I was or I’d find a text I sent to my sister or family when I was drunk.” She shook her head. “Something like that would happen, and I’d straighten up for a couple weeks. I’d tell myself I was stronger than this, tell myself that I didn’t need to self-medicate anymore. That everything in my past had no power over me.”
I held her hand, stroking my thumb over the top of it while she spoke, wishing like hell I had the right words to comfort her. “What changed this time?”
Anne visibly swallowed. “You’d think it would be the doctors telling me I’d die if I kept it up,” she said. “But it wasn’t.”
The reality of her liver’s condition sent waves of ice over my skin. The thought of losing her…
Fuck, it was unfathomable. I thought losing her all those years ago was bad, but at least I’d known she was out existing in the world, living her life in whatever way she chose. What if she hadn’t come home? What if she hadn’t gotten help? What if…
What if I never got the chance to tell her how I felt about her, even now, all these years later?
“Then what was it?” I asked gently, instead of dropping to my knees and begging her to see her worth, to understand how loved she was, how needed she was in so many people’s lives, whether she believed it or not. That would be a selfish move, and I couldn’t be selfish with her.
“When I couldn’t even test to see if I could be a donor to save my mother,” she said, squeezing my hand tighter. “That was the moment I realized I wasn’t useful to anyone in any capacity.”
A protest was on the tip of my tongue, but I kept my lips pressed together, not wanting to interrupt her.
“And it was an awakening,” she continued. “Death was scary, sure. But the idea of leaving this world and it being a relief to everyone around me?” she shook her head. “That was an awful truth I had to face. Because yes, my family would grieve, but they would also probably be relieved they no longer had to try and fix me.”
I parted my lips, anger flushing through me.
“But,” she hurried on, noting my expression. “That was the moment I decided to see exactly what was broken inside me that needed fixing. That’s when I finally acknowledged that the life I was living wasn’t worth it, and that I needed to make a massive change if I wanted to make use of what life I have left.” She smiled at me. “It’s not easy, but this time, with Dr. Casson’s help…I’m learning how to cope. I’m learning more about myself than I ever have before.”
“Good,” I said, nodding. “That’s really good, Anne. Because you absolutely are necessary in this world.”
She huffed a laugh, the tone very much like she didn’t believe me.
“You are,” I pushed. “You may not believe it now, but someday you’ll see how damn important you are in people’s lives and that not every decision you make has to be to please your family.”
Fuck, that last part I should’ve left out but I couldn’t help it. Her father’s unrealistic expectations of her had a huge hand in the way her life had gone, and I hoped one day he would take ownership of that.
“Thank you for listening,” she said. “For coming when I texted. For understanding.” She wrapped her arms around me, and I held her to me, just basking in the feel of her as she took all the time she needed to breathe. “I know I have no right to ask,” she said after a few moments. “But could you stay tonight?”
“Yeah,” I said, my voice cracking a bit. “I can do that.”
Her tense muscles melted at my answer, and we headed to her bedroom. The mattress was small and on the floor, but it didn’t matter. I held her through the night, doing my best to give her whatever energy I had, whatever she needed to help get through the aftereffects of revealing the truths she had tonight.
I didn’t kiss her, even though I thought about it over a dozen times. She needed to be protected tonight, comforted and understood, not seduced.