Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 72362 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 362(@200wpm)___ 289(@250wpm)___ 241(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72362 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 362(@200wpm)___ 289(@250wpm)___ 241(@300wpm)
“We talk a lot about happy, don’t we?” I ask. “But I was honestly happier with you than I have been with anyone. I felt more for you than I have for anyone. Which is ridiculous when you think about it. Six days. Just six.”
His jaw shifts moodily from side to side. However, his mouth stays shut, and my heart keeps breaking. So many pairs of eyes are on me. Feet are shuffling in the awkward embarrassing silence. It all needed to be said, but having this conversation in public…yeesh. As much as I love Port Stewart, this town sure has a way of putting me in my place.
Someone clears their throat. My shoulders fall and my back bows. I must be a sure thing for this year’s town fool. Noah and Brian will be relieved to know they’re no longer in the running.
“But none of that matters since you made the choice not to be with me,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Go back to your side of the room, Connor. It’s time for me to get on with my life.”
His arms hang at his sides, but he’s stretching out his fingers as if there’s something he wants. If only he could just grab hold. “Blue…”
“What? What do you want, Connor? Do you even know?”
His nostrils flare and his gaze is hyper focused on me. Like he can see inside my heart and head and read my intentions. But his words still don’t come out. I don’t know what he wants and perhaps I never will.
“Say it,” someone urges from the crowd. I think it’s his brother Stuart.
Time for me to give up. Again. And this time I am definitely not turning back to him. Because how many times can you suffer public humiliation before heading home and going into hiding for the rest of the year? Seriously.
People stand aside, making a path for me to leave. One step after the other. I just need to get out to the street and breathe some fresh air and get my shit together. And I am almost at the door. Thank goodness.
“I am not ready to feel all of this,” he finally says from behind me. His voice sounds like he’s forcing it out through gritted teeth. “I can’t do this again so soon. And it’s bigger with you and I just…I can’t do this again.”
Ugh. My feet freeze at the sound of his voice and I turn around. It’s not like this news is a surprise. “Okay.”
“Then you’ll wait a while?”
“No. I wish I could. I really do. But you’re breaking my heart here, Connor. There’s no way I am dragging this pain and uncertainty out any longer. That’s not something I can do.”
His lips thin-line.
“You know, if I felt less for you, it would be fine. It’s a compliment, really.”
Still nothing from him.
“I am going to leave now. We’re not talking about this again and I am not going to change my mind. Maybe sometime in the future we can give being friends a go. But we won’t be together like we were. It’s over, okay? Guess we both need to make peace with that.”
He blinks and there’s this stunned sort of disbelief in his gaze. Followed fast by the realization that I mean it. Every word. I am not his ex, and we won’t be getting back together sometime in the future. It’s sad and it sucks. But I have to move forward without him. Without this hurt.
It feels like someone has pried my rib cage open, ripped out my heart, and let it bleed all over the floor. What a mess it’s making. Falling in love is the worst. Especially when it’s not unrequited, but they’re not ready either. What can you even do with that? Nothing. Not a damn thing.
I try to smile, but it doesn’t stick.
He just stands there staring at me.
Right. This is done.
I don’t even manage a single step. It’s like he’s grown wings. He rushes me, wrapping his arms around me, holding me so tight I can barely breathe. With his face pressed against my hair, he keeps saying something. It takes me a minute to figure out what. Then I get it.
“I love you, Blue. I love you. But I can’t love you alone. You’ve got to stay with me.”
“What? Connor?” I soothe my hands over his broad back. It’s hard to gain traction with how strong he is. My face is half squished against his chest and I can hear his heart thumping a frantic beat. “Hey. Look at me.”
Ever so slowly, his arms ease their hold. “I don’t want to fuck this up.”
“Then don’t.”
“Okay.” He cups my face in his big hands. It takes a moment for the fear in his gaze to ease. “You’ll stay with me? We’ll work it out together?”