Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 56630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 283(@200wpm)___ 227(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 283(@200wpm)___ 227(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
If we talk, I’ll tell her. Fuck. I’m not sure how to respond. I feel like an ass, my lust constantly taking over. It’s the only part of me I can feed without drifting into dreams of the future.
Sam?
I drop my phone and tablet on the bed. My head is cloudy. I can’t think about anything. I can’t focus. Just then, as though the universe is trying to give me an escape, another one of my phones rings from outside my room. I walk through the apartment and find it on the counter.
Jackal sits, looking up at it, endlessly curious. It’s one of my old SEAL buddies.
“Sam,” he says when I answer. “I need your help.”
Sorry about that, I type, sitting on the edge of my bed. An old SEAL friend called. He’s busting a human trafficking ring out west. There’s no pay, but I thought about what you said about doing the right thing. I’m going to help him.
And it gives me a chance to get away from the East Coast. I need time for my hunger to become somewhat tamable—time for my thoughts to stop being so goddamn ridiculous. Maybe I can get them under control, then take Katy out on a proper date without mauling her like the beast I am.
That’s wonderful, she replies.
It puts a hiatus on our meeting.
That’s okay.
The tablet says otherwise. Her face is ashen. She’s biting her lip again. She clutches her phone tightly in her hand.
It shouldn’t take more than a few days. In the meantime, you can stay in the apartment. There’s cash stored in a panel behind the en-suite in the master bedroom. That’s your bedroom. You can keep using the car. If there are any problems, lock yourself in the apartment and call me.
She sighs, her shoulders slumping. I want so badly to go to my woman and give her the attention she deserves. Getting out of the city will be good and give me perspective. Let me approach this as I should—tactically.
This means a lot, her message reads. Thank you, and I’m sorry if I was pushy.
I wonder if she thinks I’m making this up—an excuse to get out of a meeting, but it’s worse than even that. I’m running and running hard. Running from the feelings I never dreamed I could have.
Tossing my phone down, I take a blistering hot shower and then sit in the living room, Jackal watching me curiously. I know he’s sensed a change in me ever since this started. He whines softly, a noise he only ever makes around me or maybe my woman when they get close and finally meet.
It’ll be time to leave soon. I wonder if working with Liam will help me forget about the woman waiting for me on the East Coast. I wonder if anything could make me forget her. It’s probably impossible. There’s nothing that could push my Katy from my thoughts.
From my office, I hear the sound of a cell phone ringing. The stock ringtone tells me it’s one of my burners. I walk through the apartment, feeling way too damn sluggish. The idea of being with Katy is the only thing that energizes me. Everything else is just background noise.
I answer the phone, waiting for the caller to speak. “Brother?” Liam says after a pause.
“I’m here,” I tell him.
“I’m on a secure line,” he replies. “Wanted to let you know about tomorrow. Meet me at the bar, not at my place. You know the bar I’m talking about?”
“Yeehaw?” I say, trying to make my tone lighthearted. That’s how I usually am with my military buddies. Even if I don’t feel that way inside, I’m able to fake it and force it.
“Yeah, that’s the one.”
The bar has a cowboy theme. Nobody’s listening to us. At least the chances are extremely low, yet we still try to mask what we’re talking about. Not that this is some unbreakable code or anything.
“You steady?” Liam asks.
He’s not talking about my love life. He’s not asking if I feel like my emotions are ripping me apart right down the middle. He’s asking me if I’m going to be able to operate. Jackal sits at my feet, staring as if to say, Tell him. See if his reaction is different from that British woman’s.
“I won’t be a liability,” I grunt.
“Hell, you’re never that,” he replies, “but it’s been a while since we talked.”
The truth is, Liam has called me three times in the last three months. This is a lot for men like us, who are used to keeping our feelings beneath the surface. Before Katy, I didn’t care. I was sinking into a hole of apathy. Nothing mattered to me, but now, it’s like the whole damn world has changed shape.
“Yeah,” I say meaninglessly.
“So, are you good? Any updates? Give me something, man. You know I’ve never been any good at small talk.”