Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 89666 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 448(@200wpm)___ 359(@250wpm)___ 299(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89666 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 448(@200wpm)___ 359(@250wpm)___ 299(@300wpm)
“I don’t want you worrying about that, either. If you’ll move in with me, I’ll take care of you.”
My jaw ached as I clenched my teeth. I knew he was trying to be kind and thoughtful, but his words made the bile rise in the back of my throat. My feet carried me to the far side of the room because they didn’t trust me not to fall into his waiting arms. Let him take all my worries away with more sweet promises, and the terrified part of me wanted to take him up on it. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.
“And then what? I become your kept boyfriend? I depend on you for everything. You give me an allowance and I do nothing all day, waiting for you to come home.” I shook my head. “I might be poor, but I have some self-respect left.”
“That’s not what I meant. My offer is to help you get on your feet.”
So, guilt. He felt guilty about failing to save my job and now he was attempting to clean up this mess with his money.
“I…” I stopped and swallowed hard. My eyes were burning and I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him. “Sebastian, I appreciate the offer. I know it doesn’t sound like it, but I do. I can’t take it. If I did, I wouldn’t be able to face my reflection in the mirror. For as long as I can remember, I’ve stood on my own two feet and helped to support my family without needing to sell myself.”
“Accepting some help isn’t selling yourself. You’d have space to yourself. I wouldn’t expect you to…”
Thankfully, Sebastian didn’t finish that statement, but I could fill in the blanks. I wouldn’t be trading sex for money with him. Deep down, I knew he wasn’t trying to buy me, but my head was a fucking mess right now. There was no thinking straight through this tangle of anger, frustration, and fear.
“Where…” Sebastian started, his voice growing more ragged. “Where does this leave us?”
My eyes fell shut, and I drew in a steadying breath. “Us dating…it was always about more than the money. To me, the bargain was a gimmick to break through the wall between us. I never really gave the bargain a thought after we first agreed to it, and I don’t expect you to pay a damn cent now. I…I just loved being with you. Whether it was in the office or on a date, I loved being near you. When I was with you, I felt like I wasn’t one step away from disaster. You made me feel safe, but that’s all over now.” I swallowed hard and pushed the last words out as fast as I could. “I don’t think we should see each other. At least, not right now. All my focus needs to be on fixing my life so that my brother and mom don’t end up homeless.”
I loved him. I loved Sebastian Courtland with every fucking fiber of my being, but I couldn’t be with him while my life was such a mess.
The silence that fell on the apartment was suffocating. Neither of us moved for several minutes. My heart was screaming the entire time I waited for Sebastian to respond that I should take the words back. I’d take them all back and beg Sebastian to hold me so I wouldn’t feel so scared and helpless. If Sebastian believed in me, I could handle it all.
But it didn’t feel like he believed in me. He just wanted to fix it all with a wave of his checkbook.
The floor creaked under Sebastian as he straightened from where he’d been leaning on the sink. His footsteps were like thunder as he pounded across the room. One hand thudded beside my head as it hit the wall, and he leaned in so close his breath brushed across my hair.
“I’m not giving up on us, but I understand. Can you at least promise me something?”
There was a long pause as he waited for me.
“I can try,” I rasped.
“If you need help, you will reach out to someone. You can reach out to me as a friend if you need it and I will always be there. No strings attached. No expectations. I promise. But if you’re not comfortable reaching out to me, call Kaylan or Declan. Someone. You might think you’re alone, but you aren’t, Byron Graham. There are a lot of people out there who see you as a friend and they would jump over buildings and rivers to help you. Just promise me.”
“I’ll try,” I said, because they were the only words left to me.
“We’re not through. I’m not giving up.” Sebastian leaned in, bumping his forehead against the side of my head.
I couldn’t tell if his words were a vow or a threat. Maybe a little bit of both. I wanted to believe him. Wanted to hold on to that promise that the time we had together wasn’t finished and that one day I was going to be in his arms, but I couldn’t do it right now. So much of my identity was wrapped up in my ability to fix my problems and support my family. I needed to fix this on my own. Especially since this was my mistake. Not his.