Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 65593 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 328(@200wpm)___ 262(@250wpm)___ 219(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65593 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 328(@200wpm)___ 262(@250wpm)___ 219(@300wpm)
Okay, that’s being overly dramatic, but it would suck. I’d rather come to an arrangement with Nikolai.
He loops a finger through the chain around my neck and fingers my little Star of David pendant.
“My dad gave it to me,” I say as an explanation because I sense the question in his gesture. “It was a bat mitzvah gift.”
Nikolai studies my face without comment. “Are you religious?”
I shrug. “No, but he’s dead.”
Nikolai nods. “I know.”
“You know? How?”
“Your brother’s been at my table for over a year now. It’s my business to know the background of my clients.”
I want to snort at the word client, but I sense sympathy in Nikolai’s gaze, and it pokes my tender spot. “Do you know how he died?” The bitter taste of grief and remaining anger coat my mouth.
Nikolai nods again and strokes a thumb lightly across my cheek. “I’m sorry, zayka. It must’ve been hard for you when your brother is still so young.”
Ack. He named it. Tears instantly pop into my eyes. “Yeah,” I choke. “Especially…” I break off because, well, Nikolai is the cause of my current stress over Zane. Of course, it’s Zane’s fault, but Nikolai’s the problem.
“Especially now?” he asks, guessing too much. “Zane’s gambling habit must be hard to watch after what happened with your dad.”
A sob rockets out of my throat, and I lurch to climb off his lap.
Nikolai catches my waist and pulls me back. “Don’t run, Freckles,” he murmurs. “I can take the tears. Let me have them.”
It’s a strange thing to say. I don’t know if it’s something that doesn’t translate the same from Russian, but it frees me. I punch his chest as I dissolve into a hysterical mess. He catches my wrists and tries to wrap his arms around me as I continue to struggle.
I haven’t even admitted this terror out loud. That Zane will end up like my dad, putting a bullet into his own head because of his gambling problem. Now that Nikolai just spoke it aloud, it looms up, huge and ugly—the shadow monster I’ve been trying to keep under lock. The thing I’ve been trying so hard to keep at bay for both of us.
I punch his chest again. “It’s your fault,” I accuse, even though it’s not true.
“I won’t let him back, okay? Even after the debt is paid.”
I throw myself against him, burying my wet face against his neck and wrapping my arms around his strong shoulders. “Thank you,” I sob, knowing full well that Nikolai refusing to allow Zane back doesn’t mean my brother won’t find another form of gambling if he wants to.
Zane needs help.
More than I can provide.
Nikolai strokes his hands up and down my back. “I spent half my life trying to keep my brother alive when he wasn’t sure he wanted to live,” Nikolai says. “I know what it’s like to be the one trying to keep the boat from flipping.”
“I’m sorry.” I move my lips against the soft skin of his neck. “I know this shit is Zane’s fault, not yours.”
“I play a part,” Nikolai owns. “But you’re innocent. It’s not fair to make you pay.”
I lift my head, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. “You’re a good person, Nikolai. For a bad guy.”
A sad ghost of a smile around his mouth appears. Like he agrees he’s the bad guy but doesn’t want to be.
He shrugs. “I tried to be good. But you were too tempting.” His hands caress down my back and settle on my ass, where he gives a light squeeze.
I nuzzle into his neck and kiss him there. Light kisses that, like holding his hand, feel both shockingly intimate and easy at the same time. I kiss his jaw, his temple. I rock over his cock. I’m sore from last night and the butt plug this morning, but I could easily go again. This arrangement—or maybe it’s just Nikolai, himself—has turned me into someone I hardly recognize. A wanton hedonist who has the power to both seduce and surrender.
“So about that spin class,” I purr in his ear as I undulate over his lap.
“You’ll have to earn it,” he murmurs back, pulling my shirt over my head. “You’re doing a great job, but you’re not there yet.”
I rock over his erection like he’s already inside me. “No?” I make my voice velvet. “What would it take?”
He unsnaps my bra and pulls it off. “You’re getting there. But you’re still wearing clothes. Why is that?”
I slide backward off his lap and shimmy out of my jeans and panties while he unbuttons his pants and pulls a condom out of his back pocket. “Because I would’ve been arrested if we’d gone shopping naked,” I say and spread my arms wide. “Problem solved.”
“I want you naked in my apartment,” he says as I straddle his waist. “Or close to it.” He touches the star at my throat. “I would’ve made you wear my collar, but I don’t want to fuck with that.”