Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 77354 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 387(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77354 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 387(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
“Yeah, well, I was wrong about Leo.”
“But you had my best interests at heart.”
I let out a sour laugh. “Yeah, I did.”
“I’m not good at trusting people.”
“Really?” I ask, tone mocking. “I hadn’t noticed.”
“Can I make it up to you?”
“How?” I ask.
“Maybe I can come over tonight? Or we can have dinner. We could go to my club?”
A wave of fatigue washes over me. “And we can hide out from the world?”
He narrows his eyes in confusion.
“Bennett, I’m happy you’ve discovered that I wasn’t your hacker and that Leo wasn’t either. I’m glad you’ve found who’s done it. And I’m pleased to see you. I’ve missed you…” I look away because it’s too intense. “I’ve missed you too much. But this is done.”
“Done?” he asks. “So you don’t forgive me?” He sighs. “I understand. But I’ll make it up to you. I’m too used to people with nefarious intentions. I’m sorry you got caught up in my issues with that.”
“I do forgive you,” I reply. “I forgive you, but it doesn’t mean we get to restart what we had.”
I’m not sure what I’m saying. I thought it was my anger at him distrusting me that would keep us apart if he ever came back. But I truly forgive him. I’m not angry anymore. I’m glad he doesn’t think badly of me. I can walk away in peace.
He searches my face like he’s looking for clues.
I get it. It’s not fair. I’ve not just changed the goalposts on him. I’ve changed the game.
I’m in love with the man in front of me. And that means I have to walk away. Because if he comes any closer, I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to leave. And I know I should.
I can’t have a life where I’m hiding out, not going to dinner, not enjoying our life together out in the open. I want to be able to complain to my sister and whoever’s around me about my man. I want to be able to tell people where my boyfriend works and what he does for a living.
I don’t want to be treading on lies everywhere I stand.
“I care about you,” I continue. “But maybe it was for the best that things ended when they did.”
“So you don’t forgive me, then?” He sounds confused and frustrated.
“You called me a liar once already. How did that work out for you?” I ask him. The rain has stopped now, and I can almost see the steam come up from the streets as the sun sucks up the rain, storing it, waiting for the next storm. The water cycle up close and personal. I don’t want to be caught in a cycle of wanting something different from what Bennett’s offering and getting frustrated when he can’t give me more.
“I don’t get it,” he says. “If you forgive me, then…”
“Then what? That’s exactly where my mind went too. Then what? So you come over tonight, so we slip back into the easiness between us. And then what?”
I search his face. If he has answers, I’ll take them. If there’s a way of clearing the path in front of us, I want to hear it.
“Then I go back to London—that’s a huge elephant in the room. But let’s jump over that one. Say I don’t go back. Say I stay. And I’m in New York, then what? Who do I tell my sister I’m staying in New York for? Are you Bennett Fordham or Ben Fort or another alias? And where do you work and who was your mother?”
His eyes are filled with confusion.
“I won’t live with lies and half-truths. I don’t want to conceal and hide. Life is complicated enough. I’m only twenty-one, and my life has been filled with bumps and bends and… I like simple. I like the truth. And as much as I like you… as much as I care, I don’t want to get into this any deeper when I know there will be a time when I have to say goodbye. The last two weeks have been difficult enough.”
It’s almost impossible to be so close to him, yet not be able to touch him. For me not to feel his hand in my hair and his lips on my forehead. I want to drink in the scent that permeates every jacket he wears.
But I have to be strong.
I can’t live the life with Bennett that he requires. I can’t live a life of lies.
“So the problem isn’t Leo, and me not trusting you—”
Our gazes lock. I will him to understand what I’m about to tell him. “I told you I forgive you and I mean it. You made a mistake. We haven’t known each other long. I know who you are.” I place my palm over his chest and I’m seconds away from melting into his heat. His hardness. “You’re a good man. I know it’s difficult for you to trust people. I’m telling you I understand, and I forgive you. I’m not making you pay a penance. I’m trying to save both of us… save myself from more pain down the road.”