Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 97846 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 489(@200wpm)___ 391(@250wpm)___ 326(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97846 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 489(@200wpm)___ 391(@250wpm)___ 326(@300wpm)
He shrugged. “I don’t know about that…”
“I do.”
His eyes drifted away, getting lost in his passion, just the way my mind went elsewhere when I thought about one of my projects. “I was thinking of taking international positions after residency. You know, in countries where patients need quality care but can’t get to it. It’s not common for someone like me to go that route, but…I don’t know. I thought giving up a year of my life to do that would be a good way of me paying back the universe for how lucky I’ve been, you know?”
I nodded. “That’d be really generous, Dex.”
“I told Mom and Dad I would live in Manhattan when I’m done. I love the city and I miss it, and I know they’re counting down the years until I’m back. I just…feel like shit graduating and then telling Mom I’m taking off to Zimbabwe or something…”
I shrugged. “It’s your life, Dex. You’ve got to live it.”
“I know. But I miss you and Daisy too.”
“I know. But it’s only for a year, right? I think Mom and Dad would be really proud of you for doing something selfless like that. It’s not like you have loans to worry about.”
“Yeah, I feel bad letting Dad pay for it.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s like over a million dollars or something atrocious like that, with all my books, living expenses, tuition…”
“I don’t think they care, Dex. They aren’t going to be mad if you decide to volunteer your time instead of working to pay back the money he would never take anyway. They aren’t going to be mad that they paid for your education and you decided to live elsewhere for a year before coming to Manhattan. Come on, Dad would be so proud that you would do something like that. You know he would.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. I just know they’re getting older, and working in this field has taught me that your number can be pulled at any moment… And I’ve been away from them for so long.”
“Mom and Dad are both healthy, Dex.”
“Sometimes that’s not enough, sometimes it doesn’t matter.” He gave a heavy shrug. “I don’t know…I have time to decide. I’ve just been so busy for the last seven years, and I’ve barely spent any time with them. I don’t feel bad about that because Mom and Dad made me feel guilty, I just…wish I could see them more. Remember when we used to go to the lake every summer? Dad has always been so busy with his patients, but I feel like he was always around. But I’m never around.”
“You’re in residency. It’s different. You needed to dedicate your life to something, and when you’re finished, you’ll have a lot of time to make up for your absence.” Now I felt guilty that I was literally down the street from them and I didn’t see them as much as I should. I had no excuse. Dad never missed anything when we were growing up. He picked me up from school sometimes, didn’t use his laptop when we were at the cabin, and made it to every stupid extracurricular activity, even though they didn’t mean a damn thing in the grand scheme of things. “Then you can be there for Dad the way he’s always been there for us.”
Dex struck up a conversation with a pretty girl, so I walked home. He knew the code to get in the elevator, and I would leave the front door unlocked so he could walk in whenever he wanted. It wasn’t like security was an issue in the building.
I sat at the dining table with my laptop in front of me, the city lights bright outside the window. I was working on my book, wondering if Emerson would notice and text me, but it was Saturday night and she was probably spending her time with Lizzie.
I lost my train of thought about the story and looked at the blinking cursor, thinking about my conversation with Dex at the bar. Then I stared at my phone for a few seconds before I picked it up and made a call.
It only rang once before he answered. “Derek, everything alright?” Concern was in his voice since it was almost nine o’clock, too late for a casual phone call.
“I’m fine, Dad. I just… I’m sorry I haven’t spent as much time with you and Mom as I should.” Listening to Dex express his regrets when he was so much younger than me made me realize how selfish I’d been these last ten years, how all I cared about was work and forgetting my pain.
He was silent, like he had no idea what to say to that.
Being with Emerson made me recognize how everything prior to her was just a blur. It was great to be dedicated to my passion and care about something bigger than myself, but it was also wrong to lose sight of what actually mattered. I went out to lunch with my mom when she asked, got a beer with my dad when he asked, but that was the problem—they always asked. I never did. “I’ll be better from now on.”