Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74298 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74298 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
“Can I tell you guys something you won’t tell anyone?” I blurted out the moment we were out of earshot of the house.
“Anytime,” Shawn said.
“Juicy gossip, let’s go,” Lindsay said.
We ambled along the pathway, and I took a deep breath in, the scent of pine filling the air. “I did something.”
“Okay,” Lindsay said.
“Shocking news: Tristan Wood did something,” Shawn added.
I was silent for a few beats, my boots crunching over dropped pine needles on the path.
“I hooked up with Jack,” I said, blurting it out again. “We hooked up. Jack, and I, hooked up last night. And kind of another time before we left Kansas. Me. And Jack. Hooking up. Actual hooking up. Sexually. Like—”
“We get it,” Lindsay said, laughing as she turned toward me.
I finally looked up from the gravel path to see Shawn staring at me, a huge smile on his face, gawking at me in total disbelief.
“Is this a joke?” Shawn asked, but the smile didn’t disappear from his face.
“It is completely true, and you can’t tell anyone.”
“Are you kidding me? I would never share your personal information. Holy shit. You with another guy? I never, ever expected that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re not gay,” Lindsay said bluntly.
“Shh,” I said, turning back toward the house, even though we were plenty far away by now. “I know I’m not gay.”
“You definitely didn’t seem like you were faking it with your girlfriends in high school,” she said.
“I wasn’t. At all,” I said.
“But you’re… experimenting,” Shawn said, still looking at me like I was a riddle he was trying to figure out.
I lifted an eyebrow. “I mean, the experiment already happened. If it was a science experiment, then I’d say it was a raging fucking success. Because I was into it. Very into it.”
“Holy shit,” Shawn said, shaking his head. “That’s awesome. You always gave me straight-guy vibes, but this is cool to hear.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I said.
Shawn shrugged. “I guess you seemed like you’d be grossed out, or afraid, of trying anything like that.”
I pulled in a deep breath of air through my nostrils. “I hate to say it, but I think you’re right,” I told him. “I think I was a little afraid of it. After my problems in high school, all I ever wanted was to be the same as everybody else. I had this picture of success in my mind, and a lot of that involved following in Dad’s footsteps, and finding myself a nice wife. You know?”
Shawn nodded once. “I understand that.”
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I slipped it out, glancing at the message I’d gotten from Nathan.
>>Nathan: What did you get into last night? You holding out on us? Having crazy fun?
Immediately I looked up at Lindsay, who had her own phone in her hands.
“What the hell?” I asked her. “What kind of family grapevine is this? Nathan already knows and I told you two minutes ago?”
“Shit,” Lindsay said. “I didn’t tell him anything. I’ll show you what I said.”
She put her phone screen in front of me.
>>Lindsay: I never knew how much fun Tristan was these days. I love having him back.
My heart soared as I saw what she’d written to Nathan.
“Okay, now I just feel bad, because that’s an incredibly sweet thing to say,” I told her. “Nathan is just too smart for his own good, I guess.”
“He doesn’t know, and he won’t know, if you don’t want us to tell,” Shawn said.
I shook my head. “No. Of course not. All of you can know about this, and I’ll probably tell him when we get back, anyway. I’m awful at keeping my own secrets, anyway.”
“Fair enough,” Lindsay said.
“I’m still so confused, though,” I said. “I don’t know how it’s possible. Thirty years old and having my first attraction toward a man?”
“Oh, please, it happens all the time,” Lindsay said.
“Thirty is still young, bro,” Shawn said. “I mean, sure, most people have these experiences a little earlier, but you were too busy being a rebel and then being a successful carpenter. You had other priorities.”
It still made me all warm and fuzzy inside to hear Shawn refer to me as a “successful,” in any way, shape, or form. I wondered how long it would take until I finally agreed, knowing that my successes weren’t just flukes, but actually who I was, now.
“Thank you,” I said softly, as a gentle breeze passed through my hair. “Both of you. For supporting me in anything.”
“Hold on, hold on,” Lindsay said, holding out a finger. “I wouldn’t support you in anything. If you wanted to start a business selling your own fingernail clippings as vitamins, I wouldn’t be down.”
I furrowed my brow and cocked my head at her. “Where on Earth do you think of these things?” I asked. “You’re disgusting, Linds. Vile.”