Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 88402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 354(@250wpm)___ 295(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 354(@250wpm)___ 295(@300wpm)
“Let’s go out to lunch,” I said when we were back in the car.
“Wait, what? Really?”
Guilt tightened my chest at his wide smile, making it hard to breathe. I realized then that we hadn’t gone out at all. Sure, we went to the center, through a drive-thru, to Mom’s or Anson and West’s, but I hadn’t gone out publicly with Jeremy since everything went down.
It wasn’t a conscious decision, and it was just because it’d been a tough month, but I wasn’t sure that mattered. Hurting someone was still hurting them, and I realized maybe I’d done that with Jeremy. “Yeah, really. Of course. Why wouldn’t I want to take you out? You’ve been dealing with my grumpy ass…which I’m afraid might get worse during the playoffs.”
“Okay. Where do you want to go?” He kept his eyes on the road. He didn’t have to look at me for me to know he was happy, that just taking him out to lunch made Jeremy feel something I’d been denying him without meaning to. Fuck, relationships were hard. Feelings were hard. All I wanted was to make him happy, to be with him without all the other shit getting in the way, but…that wasn’t life, was it? Like he said, the other shit would always be there.
“It’s up to you, Angel. I want whatever you want.”
He turned, smiled, and it was a jolt to my heart. Goddamn, this man and the power he had over me. Jeremy lifted my hand and kissed it, but when he tried to let go, I didn’t let him. I held on while he drove us toward Midtown.
He parked in a lot and said, “You’re okay if we have to walk half a block?”
I laughed. “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t ask me that.”
“Big macho man can do anything,” he joked.
“Now you’re catching on.” We grabbed our jackets and got out. It was in the fifties, but at least it wasn’t raining. When we hit the sidewalk, I reached over again and grabbed Jeremy’s hand. He paused, looked down at it, then cocked a brow at me. “What? I hold your hand.”
“Not in public.”
“We’re never in public.” Shit. That wasn’t helping my case.
It was busy, people going about their day, heading to shops and restaurants. It was the first time I’d done this, the first time I’d been with him this way. My hand twitched. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did.
Chill the fuck out, Edwards. Why do you give a shit? The truth was, I didn’t. Not really. But then in others, I felt laid bare. This wasn’t just a photo online. This was me letting anyone around us into my private world that was so different from what I’d thought it would be.
I tried to tell myself people weren’t looking at us, that every pair of eyes didn’t linger on our hands and that they didn’t all know who I was, and then I hated myself for thinking that.
I squeezed him tighter.
“Are you okay?” Jeremy asked.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”
We went into the restaurant, a little bar and grill I hadn’t been to. They seated us, Jeremy and I taking opposite sides of the booth.
My mini internal freak-out started to ease as we looked at the menu, laughing and talking because this was us—this man who made me feel things I didn’t think I’d ever feel. That was all that mattered.
The food was good, and I was glad we’d come. I told myself this was something I’d make sure we continued to do. We needed this—Jeremy probably needed this more than I’d let myself see.
When we stood to leave, I reached out and laced our fingers together again. We were walking toward the door, when my eyes flittered to a group of men at a table. They eyed us, one of them shaking his head. We had just passed them when I heard in a low voice, “So disgusting. We’re gonna have a whole team of fags now.”
My blood went cold. I froze, turned to them. “What the fuck did you just say?”
“Darren, don’t. Let’s go. They don’t matter.”
But I couldn’t go, I couldn’t let that pass. I didn’t have it in me. “What the fuck did you just say about us?” I asked again. I was shaking, my whole body feeling as if it would burst at any second.
“I said we’re gonna have a whole team of fags now. It’s disgusting.”
“Hey, man. Chill out,” one of his buddies said.
People were starting to take notice, turning in their seats, staring. All I saw was red. How fucking dare he judge us, look at Jeremy and me and see something wrong with us.
“Which one’s the girl?” he added with a snicker, and my whole world went blurry. Rage threatened to suck me in, overcome me, but there was something else there too.