Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 94220 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 471(@200wpm)___ 377(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94220 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 471(@200wpm)___ 377(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Just holding me.
I thought, after digging all that shit up, nothing could ease my pain, but I was wrong. So fucking wrong.
Because I feel safe in his hold.
And when the tears start falling, he pulls away and kisses the tears away.
He can’t know this, but it’s exactly what I need in this moment. Not words or assurances that can’t possibly make up for the past, but someone to lie there with me, to know how much it burns and to sit with me in my grief.
While he’s kissing my face, I turn my head until my lips find his for another kiss.
And oh…fuck.
It doesn’t free me of the searing pain in my chest, but it dulls the burn. And the more we kiss, the easier it feels to endure. After sucking, licking, and nibbling at each other, soon our passion turns into soft pecks, until we’re nuzzling our cheeks together. I can’t even make sense of what we’re doing, but like so much of what we share, it’s driven by instincts, and I don’t give a fuck how weird we’re acting as long as he keeps close to me.
Soon, we pull away and stare into each other’s eyes.
It feels different than the other times he’s looked at me because in the past, I’ve had the security of knowing he had no idea whom he was looking at. Not really.
But now he knows far more than he should.
Finally, he breaks the silence. “I’m trying to think of something to say…but I’m at a loss for the right words. And I really don’t want to fuck this up and say the wrong thing.”
“You’ve been doing fine without words. This is what I need right now.” I tug his body so he’s even tighter against me.
“I appreciate you sharing that. It clearly wasn’t easy.”
“Yeah, easy isn’t the word for any of that. But can we leave that alone for the rest of the night? I don’t want to go back there anymore.”
“Of course.”
“Sorry for ruining what was otherwise a sexy night.”
He flips his hand over and runs his knuckles across my cheek. “That didn’t ruin anything. I like getting to know you.”
Damn. Once again, he couldn’t know what it means to hear him say that.
“Well, if you want to get to know me more, I suggest you get your ass over here more often. I want to kiss you until it hurts. Until our lips burn and our jaws hurt. I want to kiss until it doesn’t sting to pull away from your mouth. How does that sound?”
“Sounds like I need to invest in a lot of ChapStick.”
I laugh. God, I’m fucking laughing after all that.
Only you have this kind of power over me, Leif.
I take his lips once again, and I relax into him, wishing life could just be this moment. That we never had to deal with the bullshit, and we could simply get so lost in each other, I could forget all past nightmares.
As the tension I’d awakened subsides, I pull away from him. “I guess we should talk about what you need to tell your parents. That’s why you came over, right?”
“I mean, we need to figure that out, but you must know I was only using that as an excuse to make you talk to me, right?”
I laugh. “Sorry. I won’t do that to you again. If something comes up, I’ll talk to you.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
I wish he could know I truly mean it. How much he’s assured me that I can trust him with all this dark shit in me.
“Good,” he says. “So I’ve been thinking that they should know they’re in danger, but I’m worried if I say something, they’ll talk to Detective Roth, who is gonna tell them about you…”
My thoughts exactly. “Yeah. And then it’s gonna further complicate things. If Detective Roth finds out I’m here, she’s gonna freak them out. They might be able to get a protective order or worse if they find the cameras I set up. And if I have to leave…or spend time in jail, I’m not gonna be able to protect your family. And the cops sure as hell won’t be here if something happens.”
“That’s what I keep thinking.”
“I know it’s asking a lot to trust me, but, Leif, if you’re in danger, I can protect you and your family. And if this is all in my head, then you’re not losing anything by my being over here.”
He studies my face. “You’re right. It’s a big ask—”
Fuck. “Then tell them. You should do whatever you think is right. And I’ll—”
He kisses me again, silencing me with a sweep of his tongue before he pulls away and looks me in the eyes. “You didn’t let me finish. I was going to say that it’s a big ask, but that I do trust you.”