Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 76840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 384(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 384(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
But his mother remained unspeaking, her gaze cold and unyielding.
Even knowing he was risking rejection – and it was likely, for there was never a time she had accepted him – he found himself moving towards her, wanting to be closer, unable to keep himself from hoping.
Just one small sign.
One goddamn sign.
Any sign would do.
He just wanted to see in her eyes the mother she once was to him.
When Marcus reached her bedside, she asked coldly, “Is this the part where you’d say you forgive me?”
“No—-”
“Good,” Raquel snapped, “because I wasn’t going to ask one.”
“As you shouldn’t,” Marcus returned steadily, “because there is nothing to forgive. None of it was your fault.” He inhaled heavily, saying, “I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to realize this. I’m sorry—-”
No.
Something inside of Raquel started to break, a brittle layer that had built over the years, toughening her up to allow her to survive – but at the cost of what?
No.
Something inside of her struggled to be free, a love that she had buried and thought long gone – but did she still deserve to feel such a thing now?
No.
Damn him. Damn him. She didn’t want this. Why couldn’t Marcus leave things well enough alone? Why did he insist on talking of things that everyone knew was black and white?
His father was dirty. She was dirty. He was dirty.
Why couldn’t he just fucking accept that?
Fury like no other started to fill Raquel, and she gathered all her strength to force herself up.
“Let me help you.”
Marcus’ offer came at no surprise. Her son had always been a helpful little boy, and she had been expecting it. She let him help her sit up, and when he pulled away, that was when she struck him hard on the face, enough to have his head snap to the side.
“Don’t ever come here again.”
She watched him straighten, and when he turned to look at her again there was so much pain in her son’s eyes—-
Something inside her started to shrivel, but she told herself this was for the better. This was normal. This was how it should be, between people like them.
“I never want to see you. Do you hear me? All this talk of emotional shit isn’t for me. It never was, so stop fooling yourself. I’m not the kind of mother you want me to be. And you’ll never be the man you’re pretending you could be.” Raquel hit the Emergency button behind her. “Now get out! Leave! Out!” And even as the nurses filed in, she didn’t stop screaming the words. “Out! Out! Out!”
Marcus walked away.
And for one moment he felt alone—-
It was almost like that night he had been a boy, locking himself in his room, unable to fathom how his world could turn from beautiful into sickeningly terrifying in a blink of an eye.
His mother’s words echoed in his brain—-
You’ll never be the man you’re pretending you could be.
Pain threatened to rip him apart, but Marcus forced himself to hold on to the only lifeline left to him.
Anneke.
Even if his own mother didn’t want him—-
Even if no one else wanted to him—-
He had to believe that he wasn’t alone because he had Anneke.
Eight
It was on Anneke’s third day in Bruin Hemel when the butler informed her that a car was coming up the driveway. She wondered numbly how he knew where to find her, and decided a moment later it didn’t matter. They had to talk sooner or later, and now was a good time as any.
All sorts of emotions struck Marcus as the butler allowed him entry. There were memories everywhere he looked, and nowhere more so when he finally made it to the room where he first met her when she was nineteen, dressed in her PJs, and her eyes swollen red after watching reruns of her favorite teen drama.
Even with Anneke partially turned away from him as she spoke to the butler, he could see from the stiff set of her shoulders and the way her lips were trembling that she was remembering the exact same thing, just as he also knew that the memories weren’t bringing her any joy.
They were hurting her instead, and Marcus drew his breath, realizing at that moment just how much things had changed between them because of that blasted article.
When the butler left, Anneke invited Marcus to take a seat without meeting his gaze, and as soon as he was seated she asked him if he wanted anything.
You. That was what he wanted to say. That was what his heart wanted. But he managed to swallow the word back and go with something more natural.
“Coffee would be good.”
Anneke simply nodded.
He watched her use the intercom to relay his request, and a moment later a maid came in bearing a tray with two cups of coffee. He thanked the younger girl for the service, and when the maid nodded also without meeting his gaze, another realization came to him.