Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 69198 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 346(@200wpm)___ 277(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69198 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 346(@200wpm)___ 277(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
“Yes.”
“Are you really Asher, or is this a modern-day case of an invasion of the body snatchers?” His earnest tone made it difficult to tell if he was joking until he finally cracked a smile.
It was tempting to laugh along with him, but confessing my sins hadn’t made me feel any better. Guilt and confusion were heavier burdens than I’d thought.
“It’s me.” I slumped in my chair and sighed. “Do you think the dress code in hell is an orange jumpsuit? Because that’s where I’m headed…straight to H-E-double-toothpicks. And orange is not my shade.”
Tommy chuckled. “Ash, I don’t think you’ll go to hell for having consensual sex with a hot guy…regardless of who his previous partners might be.”
“I’m not so sure about that.” I bit my thumbnail. “I’m very attracted to him. Maybe I should refer him to my mother and wash my hands of the matter once and for all.”
“Asher…that’s a terrible idea. Do you really want your mother to cross-examine the guy you hooked up with via a sex app?”
“No.” I sighed, hanging my head in defeat. “But I don’t trust myself to make morally sound decisions where he’s concerned. What would you do?”
His eyes took on a faraway look as if he were seriously mulling over the question. “I can’t imagine walking a kilometer in your Crocs, Ash. Porn sites make me nervous, never mind sex apps. I’m always afraid there’s someone monitoring my history and judging how much time I spend on any particular site.”
I furrowed my brow. “You never watch porn?”
“Rarely. I can’t look at a naked man without experiencing immediate…effects.”
“Those side effects are the idea, Tommy.”
“Understood. The point is, I have no personal insight to draw from, but if he wants advice about being out and proud, that’s easy. Just share your experience. It sounds like he needs a friend.” He squinted as he pushed his glasses to the bridge of his nose. “And maybe someone to practice with.”
“That part won’t happen again.”
“Why not? You’re adults. You haven’t done anything wrong. Stop being so hard on yourself and just…have fun.”
“That’s sketchy advice,” I replied cautiously.
“It’s what you’d tell me if the shoe were on the other foot.”
“I would?”
“Yes, you’re very sensible, Asher. You’d probably suggest making this situation into a Script Club project. And it’s a good idea. That way you can rest easy about enjoying yourself while you’re helping someone in need. Everyone wins.” Tommy stood and set a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Come on. Let’s find Holden. I’m hungry.”
“Wait!” I jumped in front of him and barred the door with my arms spread wide. “Please don’t say anything.”
“I won’t,” he assured me, adjusting his glasses. “But you must know that Topher won’t care. He’s madly in love with Simon, and he’s more concerned with choosing Roman blinds and approving carpet samples for their new house at the moment.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
“Of course I am. Tie your shoes and let’s go.” Tommy plucked my arm out of the way and slid by me easily. “By the way, did you see the report about sound waves detected from the nascent universe? Vestiges of the primordial cosmic sea. Talk about cool, right?”
Wow. Yes, that was very cool. Cool enough that my smile didn’t feel fake, and engrossing enough to provide a much-needed diversion from my head.
If you hadn’t noticed, my head was a scary place to be.
Coming out.
I pulled out a notepad later that night and drew a red circle around the phrase, then proceeded to list pros and cons. It was a great way to thoughtfully expound one’s decision-making process. Even if the decision was already made, it would highlight potential issues that might be encountered.
On the pro side…truth, self-respect, dignity, Pride…and of course, rainbow glitter, gay sex, gay men, gay dance music, gay bars, gay clubs, and gay sex. Yes, gay sex deserved two or more entries.
On the negative side…I had nothing.
I was stuck. I’d always been out. Being homosexual wasn’t a negative to me. At all.
Of course, I’d heard plenty of horror stories about families who’d disinherited their gay kids, friends who’d stopped calling, jobs or opportunities lost. The idea of that kind of prejudice and discrimination made my blood boil. Humans were terribly barbaric.
Thankfully, I’d grown up with an extremely practical mother who’d taught me early on that sexuality was simply part of the human experience. Nothing more, nothing less. It had never occurred to me to be ashamed of being gay. Or anything, really. Except maybe my voracious sexual appetite…which was what got me into this mess in the first place.
Bottom line…I wouldn’t know what Blake was up against until we had a serious conversation.
And when we met on Monday after work as agreed, I wanted to be as prepared as possible with appropriate, serious-minded questions. This was the only way to avoid succumbing to temptation. There was still no guarantee that I wouldn’t want to rip my clothes off and throw myself at him, but I said I’d help, so I would.