Total pages in book: 119
Estimated words: 113699 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 568(@200wpm)___ 455(@250wpm)___ 379(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 113699 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 568(@200wpm)___ 455(@250wpm)___ 379(@300wpm)
“Do you mind if I …?” She gestures to the empty chair beside me. I nod even though having someone in my space makes me want to walk into oncoming traffic.
This is Bel. Your friend. The girl who’s always been kind to you, even before everything happened. I can take five minutes to talk to her. What’s it going to hurt?
She settles into the chair, tucking her legs underneath her like we’re at a sleepover instead of in the library. “I had no idea you were back. Are you doing summer semester only, or …?”
“I’m full-time right now. The plan is to catch up on the credits I’m missing and get back on track. Going to class in the summer sucks, but if it lessens the workload during the school year, I can’t complain. I mean, what else do I have to do with my time?” I cringe internally at how dumb that sounds.
Bel doesn’t seem to sense anything strange about it. “Are you … I mean, how are you doing?”
The concern in her voice makes me want to crawl under the table. It reminds me of Lee Sterling and his loaded question from the other night. Are you okay? Okay, deep breath. She’s asking because she cares, not because she feels bad for me.
I direct my attention to the scattered notebooks in front of me. I know I said I’d do it when she left, but I can’t help myself. I realign them, letting the precise movements calm my racing pulse. I can’t imagine how messed up I look right now.
If she has thoughts about it, she doesn’t say it out loud.
I answer her as I adjust everything. “I’m … okay. Better than I have been in a long time. I’m happy to be back, to return to regular life.”
The silence settles and stretches between us. All the things we’re not saying and all the history we’re pretending doesn’t exist fill the crevices. I know she has questions; everyone does.
Is she going to ask them? I wonder if I even have answers to give her. I peek up at her. She’s watching me straighten the textbooks. Seconds tick by in suspense. Then the silence shatters.
“That’s good. I’m happy to hear you’re doing better, and I’m even happier to see you again.”
“Things are different, that’s for sure.” Different, but the same. Although sometimes I feel like the only thing that’s different is me. Like I’m a triangle trying to fit into a circle spot.
“So,” Bel starts, then stops, picking at a loose thread on her cardigan sleeve. “I heard you were at The Mill party last night.”
My hands freeze mid-adjustment of my pencil case. Oh god. I can only imagine the things being said about me. Actually, it doesn’t matter. I’m no longer surprised by the hateful things people say. Everyone in attendance noticed me.
In their defense, it’s hard to miss the weird girl who is constantly counting, refuses to talk to anyone, and has to wear gloves to function. I’m sure hiding in the pantry like a social reject was icing on the cake. Like, yeah, Lee was there for five seconds, but he’s popular and normal by society’s standards. I doubt anyone batted an eye at him.
“I was there briefly. It became overwhelming pretty fast, so I bowed out early.”
Bel leans forward, her expression brightening. “But you came. That’s something, right? I mean, I know parties aren’t really your thing, but—” She catches her implication too late. I swallow hard, focusing on the exact angle of my calculator against the desk edge.
My thoughts drift, and this is usually when I spiral, everything going back to that terrible fucking night, but that’s not what happens. Instead of going down a dark hole, I’m taken back to the memory of last night. A place I have zero business being.
Nope, do not think about it.
Too late. All I do is blink, and I can feel his warm hand against my skin, his sweet bourbon breath fanning against my lips and that soft, understanding look that appeared in his eyes when I told him I have OCD.
He’s out of your league, Salem. More, he’s out of your universe.
“Drew told me he found you and Lee in the pantry together.”
“Yeah, we were both hiding … nothing happened. I mean, if that’s what you were hinting at.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I wish I could swallow them. “I’m sorry. That was … stupid. I didn’t mean to imply that you were thinking we did something. Parties aren’t really my scene, you are correct. In fact, this whole thing is new to me. I should’ve prepared myself better, but I didn’t. Lee was …”
What was he? Interesting at best. Intense, yes. Terrifying. Also yes. The opposite of myself in every single way, one million times yes, yet being in his presence made me feel … normal. Protected?