Total pages in book: 30
Estimated words: 28026 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 140(@200wpm)___ 112(@250wpm)___ 93(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 28026 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 140(@200wpm)___ 112(@250wpm)___ 93(@300wpm)
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you come look for me in Vegas? Why didn’t you tell anyone? Did you not care about how I felt, or maybe that I’d like to know I have a fucking son?”
Emily shoots me a warning look as my voice rises in volume.
“I’m sorry,” I rasp in a desperate whisper. “But tell me, Emily! Make me understand!”
She exhales again, taking her time before giving me an answer.
“I didn’t say anything because you were in the middle of a contentious divorce from my mother. Pamela even brought me to the cabin to stake her claim, remember? I couldn’t get in the middle of your issues with my mom because it’s not my place.”
I’m still delirious with anger.
“But you don’t think Pamela would want to know about her own grandchild?”
Emily shakes her head while swallowing heavily.
“No, because Pamela would use the knowledge against you, Christian. Imagine it. Not only would she make sure the judge knew that you were fucking her daughter, but also that you knocked me up. Then she’d use some bullshit excuse about getting child support, or grand-child support, or whatever. Things would only turn out worse than they already have.”
My voice shakes as I look at the curvy girl.
“Emily,” I say in as calm of a tone as I can muster. “Have you kept in touch with your mother? Because Pamela loved you, you know.”
“I haven’t,” the young woman mumbles in a quiet voice while dashing a tear from her cheek. “It killed me to keep quiet, but I couldn’t! Your divorce from her already had dragged on forever, and I couldn’t throw more kindling onto the fire. It would only make things worse.”
This time, my heart breaks because my sweet girl has made an awful mistake.
“Emily,” I begin in a low tone. “Pamela loved you. She adored you more than life itself, and we thought you were dead. Your mother fell apart at the news, and descended into a deep depression. We tried everything. Drugs, medication, talk therapy, even electroconvulsive therapy to try and shock her brain out of her funk. Nothing worked.”
The low tone of my voice warns Emily and she jerks her head up to meet my eyes, horror in her gaze.
“Oh no,” she begins. “No, no, no.”
“Yes,” I say in a quiet voice, holding her eyes with my own. “Pamela loved you, and after you died, she never recovered. Pamela passed of a broken heart about a year ago, Emily. Your mother asked to be buried with the words “Loving Mother” at the top of her tombstone because she adored you so much. Despite everything, you were the center of her life.”
“No, no, no!” Emily cries, her face dropping into her hands. “I never meant for it to turn out like this!”
I move and gently pull her up from her chair, before cradling her sobbing form in my strong arms.
“I know,” I hush against her hair. “This isn’t how things were supposed to be at all. We were supposed to be a family, in all of our fucked-up glory. But none of that happened, and now, it’s all gone.”
Emily can’t reply because she’s overcome with grief. Her narrow shoulders shake in my arms, and I’d do anything to help the woman I love through this terrible time. But all I can do is to hold her ... and pray.
17
EMILY
Istare at the plaque on Pamela’s grave. It’s a marble slab of shiny stone, engraved with the words “LOVING MOTHER” at the top. Below that is inscribed Pamela’s full name, as well as the dates of her birth and death. My eyes prick as I lean down to caress my fingers over the cold stone.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean for things to turn out this way. I thought I was doing what was best for everyone, but in the end, I fucked it up.”
To my surprise, I feel a gentle hand rest on my shoulder in answer. I spin quickly. “Mom?” I ask, my eyes scanning the wide expanse of lawn. “Mom, is that you?”
But Pamela’s not there. Instead, my son begins to cry as his father bobbles him in his strong arms, standing a respectful twenty feet back.
“Shhh, Blazey,” Christian murmurs. “It’s a gorgeous day, and we’re paying our respects to your grandmother. You hear that, baby boy? Grandma is looking down from Heaven, and she adores you.”
Tears prick my eyes because how can this be happening? My heart contracts as I swallow around the giant lump in my throat. How did I screw up so bad? I never meant to cause my mom’s death. I genuinely believed that by keeping my son’s existence a secret, I’d be helping things along.
But now that I’m a parent myself, I understand better. A mother’s love is all-consuming, and if I ever lost Blaze, my heart would break as I withered away. I suppose that’s what happened to my mother, despite Pamela being distracted for a lot of my life, and being obsessed with her work. Yet after peeling away all the layers, what burned bright and true was my mom’s devotion to me.