Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 97557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97557 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
I stare back at him through the tears. Deep down I know I’ll never be safe. Protection comes at a cost, and while Sebastian might protect me from all the monsters living in our world, no one can save me from him. My treacherous heart will suffer the consequences.
"And what about when you can't keep me safe? What happens when your secrets are brought to light? If anyone finds out you killed your grandfather, then my safety disappears. Without you, I’m left to my father’s mercy.” The what-if’s continue to mount against me. Sebastian can protect me, yes, but if anyone finds out what he did…
I want to hurt him, make him hate me so maybe he’ll let me go. But even though my intention is to push him away, I'm not prepared for the icy rage trickling into his eyes. His grip tightens, his fingers digging into my flesh, hard enough to leave bruises. Maybe I just want him to hurt me, so I can prove to myself he really is the monster in all of this. I lick my lips. “Do it. I know you want to. Hurt me. End my life just like you ended his.”
Anger vibrates through his body, but he doesn’t lose his composure. No, Sebastian is a professional at keeping his mask of boredom in place.
“Why would I kill you, wife?” He cocks his head to the side, and an eerie calm blankets me. “Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose of marrying you? I made a vow, till death do us part, and I intend to keep it.”
“Then kill me now. I know what you did, and I could tell anyone at any time.”
A villainous grin appears on his lips, “But you won’t. You won’t tell anyone and not only because you’re afraid, but because you need me. Not for safety, or whatever the fuck you’ve built in your head but because you want me. You need my body, my cock, my mouth on you. Go ahead, lie to me again and say you don’t. ”
Anger churns in my gut. It’s the truth even if I don’t want to admit it, but I don’t need to say a single word for Sebastian to know he’s right.
“I hate you.” I curl my lip and spit the words at him.
"I’m sure.” He rolls his eyes. “Hate me all you want, wife, but it doesn’t change the truth. You need me, and you're mine.”
“I’m not yours. Don’t act like you give a shit about me.” I goad him, because I want his anger. I need it. Any other emotion and I might break down and give into that terrible need, the need to let him wrap me up in his arms and tell me everything is going to be okay.
I don’t get the reaction I intended. Ignoring me all together, he gives me his back, slips off the bed, and turns to walk to the door. Anger, sadness, and fear swirl deep in my gut. I love him, but why? He’s a monster. He’s like everyone else in my life. Everything I’ve tried to separate myself from.
But not all monsters are villains. Some are victims of circumstance.
Part of me wants to tell him I’m sorry. That it’s all a lie. But I can’t make the words come out. Through blurry tears, I watch him disappear out the door, and the relief I thought I might feel at his absence never comes. Strange enough my chest feels heavier. Like someone is standing on it.
It’s like without him in the room there is no oxygen for me to breathe.
It takes me a long time before I can close my eyes, as I find myself waiting for him to return, but soon enough I realize he’s not coming back, and I allow myself to sink into the darkness…praying the next memory to resurface will be the one that brings me back to him.
CHAPTER 8
SEBASTIAN
It’s a fucking miracle I make it out of that room without destroying every piece of furniture, without taking her by the throat and fucking her into submission. The harder she fights, the more I want to exert dominance and control over her, but there is no room for control in a safe relationship.
I know this, and yet I can’t seem to let go.
I’m not even angry the memories from that night have resurfaced. I always intended to tell her the truth when the time was right. If anything, I’m relieved. It’s one less lie, one less thing I have to pretend didn’t happen. I had imagined the moment she would remember so many times, but it never played out like this. It could be worse, I guess.
She could remember the whole night, everything that happened…but she doesn’t. She doesn’t know the truth. I grit my teeth against the pressure of defeat.