Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 122219 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122219 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
“How about this?” I took Yara’s shaky hands into mine and led her to the couch. As she sat, I heard the seams of the dress rip more, which brought on more tears. I tried my best not to laugh, but it was slightly funny. “We will go into Chicago a few days before the wedding and pick out a black dress that fits you perfectly. We’ll try all department stores until you feel at your utmost comfortable.”
“I won’t match Willow’s dress,” she warned.
“Willow will come with us, and she’ll get the same dress as you. It’s not a big deal. And even if your dresses don’t match, they are both black, which is wonderfully close enough to me.” I wiped at her tears. “This is not a reason to fall apart, okay?”
She sniffled and nodded. “Okay.” She wiped her tears away and shook her head. “I just feel so bad. I want this day to be perfect for you. I don’t want to be the reason things look bad in pictures.”
“You could never look bad in pictures, Yara. Get those thoughts out of your head. And all I care about is saying ‘I do.’ Nothing else really matters. I’m just ready to have a husband.”
I think.
Maybe.
How did people know when they were ready for marriage?
“They are pretty nice when you get the right ones,” she agreed.
“Speaking of good husbands, where is Alex?”
“Oh, he didn’t know how to manage my breakdown, so he went to buy me donuts.”
“Smart man.”
“The smartest man.” She shook her head and gently chuckled. “Gosh, I’m so sorry for being a hot mess. My emotions are all over the place lately. The past few weeks have been so wild. Pregnancy is intense.”
“But beautiful,” I told her. I couldn’t wait to hold my niece or nephew one day. Alex and Yara weren’t finding out the baby's gender until birth. My anxiety could never wait that long but to each their own. What mattered most was their having a healthy baby to bring home.
A part of me felt selfish for the thoughts that raced through my head when I learned my sister was pregnant. There was a touch of jealousy, of longing, that I felt from the news. Don’t get me wrong, I was truly happy for Alex and Yara. They would both be amazing parents. I just thought that by age thirty-six, I would already have the things my younger sister was experiencing.
Of course, I never spoke about my fear of falling behind. I didn’t want to make anyone else feel bad or have pity for me. Still, my heart longed for children someday. At least Wesley and I were on the same page about that. We planned to start our family shortly after our wedding. Only three weeks until the rest of my life took off, like my sister’s.
“Enough about me and my tears,” Yara said, wiping away the final emotions falling from her eyes. “How are you?”
For a moment, my mind traveled back to my morning struggles. My heart beat faster as I thought about the panic I’d felt as I lay in the darkness, not wanting to get up at all. Almost unable to move from the shadows of the hovering depression that floated over every inch of my being.
I couldn’t tell Yara that.
It would’ve broken her heart, and her sweet heart was already fragile.
Besides, I’d be fine.
I’d always be fine.
Being fine was my default setting.
The sprouts of depression were only something that came every now and again. It wasn’t anything worth making others feel bad about.
Instead of telling her the truth, I pushed out a smile and said, “I’m good.”
7
NATHAN
Islept awfully all weekend. The boys kept me out way too late on Saturday, and I worked around the farm from sunrise to sunset on Sunday. No one talked about how much work it took to run a farm as large as my family’s. We had a solid crew of employees, but I still felt as if it was never enough.
Mom told me I was a workaholic, but I liked being busy. The more I kept my mind occupied with other things, the less time I had to overthink things. Or to overthink people. People like Avery.
Still, even while I worked all Sunday, thoughts of her would slice through my brain. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way I’d made such an ass of myself in front of her on Saturday night. Not only did I jeopardize her job by following her outside and getting us locked out but I also looked damn near like a stalker.
Not exactly the vibe I was going for.
I just wanted her to know I wasn’t trying to ruin her life. In my attempt, though, I almost proceeded to ruin her life.
When Monday afternoon came and it was time to meet the team at practice, I felt a heaviness sitting against my chest. As I approached Avery’s office, I knocked against her open door.