Total pages in book: 141
Estimated words: 135831 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 679(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 453(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135831 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 679(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 453(@300wpm)
Everly: Are my no-sex-with-Max sponsors still awake?
Maeve replies first.
Maeve: I have the heart of a vampire. What’s up???
Fable is next, cutting to the chase.
Fable: Uh-oh. Are you cutting him off?
Josie is the last to answer the SOS, but she does a minute later with her loyalty on full display.
Josie: Who do I need to beat up?
I write back, asking if they can FaceTime. A minute later, we’re on a video call. Maeve’s lounging on her couch, one of her bejeweled liquor-bottle lamps glowing softly in the background. Fable’s in her bed, her red hair piled high on her head in a messy bun. Josie’s on her couch, with her dog, Pancake.
“Max was possessed by an alien tonight at dinner,” I say, then explain what happened.
Maeve cringes.
Josie frowns.
Fable sighs heavily, shaking her head as I tell them the tale while I pace around my home. When I’m done recounting the things we said outside my house, I sigh and ask, “Why men?”
“Exactly,” Maeve says.
I blow out a breath and sink into my soft, fluffy purple couch pillows. “I can’t believe he thinks I did this for my job,” I say, annoyed all over again, hurt all over again. “How can he think that? Why would he think that? I would never do that, and I’m the one who’s taking the big risk.”
They’re all quiet for a beat, but Josie opens her mouth as if to speak then closes it again, and I latch onto her silence since it means she’s thinking. “Okay, help me out, Josie? Where did your big brain go?”
“Well,” she begins thoughtfully. “I think sometimes men and women—well, humans—are just so scared of real love, real vulnerability, real trust…that it’s easier in the moment to regress. That’s what happened with Wes and me last year.”
I remember that. They hit a rough patch, as all couples do, and had to figure out how to get in each other’s way rather than out of each other’s way. “And maybe this is when the two of you need to really lay your hearts on the line,” Josie adds.
“But I did, and he still asked if I was using him,” I say, except once I say that I’m keenly aware I didn’t completely put myself out there. I said I adore you. I said I feel everything. I said I was ready to put everything on the line. I avoided the L-word because it scares me. Because the last time I loved someone so deeply that I felt it in my soul, I lost them. Even though that was platonic love, it was still love.
I haven’t told Max I love him because I’m afraid of losing him. Because I’m terrified of what might happen if I love so completely and then lose someone again.
But he tried to tell me he loved me tonight, and I didn’t even let him finish the sentence. I also didn’t clarify when he asked if I was ending it with him. I groan. “What if I’m the asshole?” I say, then I tell my friends what I just realized.
Maeve scoffs. “Well, he’s the asshole too. The bigger one, honestly.”
Fable nods. “Let’s not give him a get-out-of-jail-free card just because you didn’t let him say he loved you when he was in the middle of apologizing. As he fucking should. He did spiral. He did suggest you were using him. Just because you didn’t soothe his worries doesn’t make what he said okay.”
That’s true too, but I’m also more confused now than I was before. I furrow my brow. “I’m lost. What do I do? Especially if we’re both…assholes. Um, whatever-size assholes. Why are we talking about assholes? Can we stop talking about assholes?”
“Please! Yes, anything else,” Josie says, then smiles. “Here’s what you do. Apologize. Then kiss and make up. Forgive and move on. And keep on loving him.”
Fable smiles and gestures to Josie. “Both things can be true at once. You can both be jerks and you can also forgive.”
Tears prick the back of my eyes, and my throat clogs with emotions. But my heart swells, too, with so much love for these women. And I don’t have to keep that to myself. “I love you. All of you. So much,” I say, and that feels like the start of a brand-new day.
“Love you too,” they all say.
Then, I yawn, feeling better, and feeling like forgiveness is possible. And honestly, maybe as easy as a butterfly.
Since he’s probably asleep, I send Max a text.
Everly: We’re not breaking up. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I promise you.
I fall asleep.
50
EARLY MORNING DELIVERY
Max
My joints are stiff. My muscles bark. My neck is filing a lawsuit against me for indecent sleep. But when I finally manage to open my tired eyes and fumble around for my phone on the console, two beautiful notes flash on the screen.