Series: The Laws of Opposite Attract Series by Vi Keeland
Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 98878 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 494(@200wpm)___ 396(@250wpm)___ 330(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98878 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 494(@200wpm)___ 396(@250wpm)___ 330(@300wpm)
He nodded. “You know what I was thinking when I was looking at Hope?”
“What?”
“It wasn’t that I wished I had a baby of my own. I was thinking how much I could see Ryan’s face in hers.” He smiled. “And it felt like a gift. I felt such gratitude for all I have in my life right now. There wasn’t any part of me wishing for something else. Would it be a dream to share the experience of having a baby with you? To see your beautiful body growing with my baby in your belly? God, I want that so much it hurts. But even so…there’s nothing I want more than to have you in my life and for you to be happy, whether we have a kid of our own or not.” He placed his forehead against mine. “I’m a true believer that what’s meant to happen will. What I won’t accept is letting fear of an imagined future outcome steal our today.”
I needed clarification. “Are you telling me you’ll be fine if I can never give you a biological child of your own?”
“I am.” He raised a brow. “Will you?”
I took a deep breath in and exhaled. “I think it was easier when I’d convinced myself I didn’t want a baby. Back when Richard and I got married, he was adamant that he didn’t want any more kids. He’d had a vasectomy before we met. That made it easier to accept the finality. I told myself my life was better off, that I had more independence and more time for Caitlin. And mostly I believed it. But the truth comes out intermittently—a feeling in my chest sometimes when I see a mother with her baby in the park or a woman walking hand in hand with her little one.” I looked into his eyes. “It’s regret. But it’s one thing to regret something, and another to long for the unattainable. I’ve never longed for a baby more than I do now. Because of you. Because I’m in love with someone who also wants a baby someday, which makes me want it more. And I hate that I could be the one holding us back—not because I don’t want one, but because my body can’t make one.” I shut my eyes and let out a long breath. “It felt good to let that out.”
He pulled me close. “I’m so glad you did.”
“We’re not even engaged. I know it’s premature to be thinking about this, but the truth is…” I stepped back to look at him. “I don’t have a lot of time, Brayden. I’m panicking a little. I feel like every day that passes, I have less of a chance. When you get to a certain age, every day matters.” I teared up.
“Oh, baby. I’m sorry. I didn’t know this was weighing on you.” He cradled my face. “I love you so much. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make you feel better. What do you need from me?”
I wiped my eyes and sniffled. “I need you to turn back time.”
“I would never do that if it meant not ending up exactly where we are now.” He smiled. “Look, I can’t turn back time, but I sure as hell can avoid wasting a second of the time we have. I don’t ever want you to have regrets. Why don’t we throw caution to the wind and see what happens?”
My eyes widened. “Start trying to have a baby? We don’t even live together yet.”
“I’m suggesting we have lots of sex—which we do anyway—and not do anything to prevent it. There are no guarantees, but there is a lot of power in belief. Your body listens to your mind. If we believe it will happen for us, I think it will. Instead of pushing the thoughts away, let’s let them in. Let yourself imagine us with a baby. Believe it. And I’ll do the same.”
Believe it.
Believe was like the opposite of hope. Hope was wishing for something. Belief was knowing. Could I do that? Would it hurt even more if I convinced myself it could happen and it didn’t? I had to try. I narrowed my eyes. “Would you be ready if by some chance I got pregnant?”
“I’d be as ready tomorrow as I would be next year.”
“You promise you’re not just saying that…”
“I’ve never lied to you, Alex.” His eyes were sincere. “I promise.”
I exhaled. “This is crazy.”
“Well, even if I manage to knock you up, we won’t be able to say that’s the craziest thing to ever happen to us. That ship’s sailed.”
***
Later that afternoon, I’d told Brayden I wanted to see the West Village, but I actually had a very specific destination in mind. When we arrived, I stopped in front of the building. “There’s a place I want to show you,” I told him.