Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 109178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 546(@200wpm)___ 437(@250wpm)___ 364(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 546(@200wpm)___ 437(@250wpm)___ 364(@300wpm)
We have two completely different backgrounds, but also some commonalities. I grew up on the East Coast, she grew up on the West coast. Two completely different vibes. If you know, you know. She was affiliated with gang activity, I was affiliated with gang activity. Meaning neither of us were gang members, but we hung with gang members. I had a troubled childhood, she had a period where her childhood was troubled. I had problems with my father, her father was non-existent for most of her childhood, and that caused her a great deal of distress and trauma. I had trauma due to butting heads and not getting along with my father for the majority of my life. At the time of our initial meeting, Xenia was against interracial dating and marriage.
She is a Black woman, devoted deeply to her African American culture. I obviously am not a Black man. My father is Egyptian, and has no genetic African ancestry, and my mother was North Korean. Xenia was used to being able to use her amazing control of language to express herself to her prior relationships. She wasn’t used to men who are able to articulate what they want. She wasn’t used to men who didn’t play mind games and were decisive. I told her soon after I met her that I was going to marry her, and she didn’t believe me. Here we are, all of these years later. Married. Happy. Healthy. I did the work. If you don’t do the internal work, you will fail.
Men are failing. We pushed them too far. We’ve done too much damage. We’re completely out of control. You can be a true alpha male without dominating your soulmate. In fact, true alphas, gentlemen, do not dominate their Queens in the first place. That goes against code. That’s out of pocket. That’s desperation. By the time you pound your fists upside your Queen’s head, screaming and cursing at her, you’ve already lost. There’s no coming back from that. Even if she forgives you, you’ve already proven you can’t be trusted. That you’re a loose cannon. You’ve shown her that you are weak. Abuse is not strength. It’s a frailty. A deficit. You’ve proven that you’re extremely toxic and too emotionally unhinged. You’ve proven that you can’t handle the truth. You can’t face that you lost because you gained her by lying about your true intentions. You were conniving.
All lies are eventually revealed. We may be dead for decades before the truth comes out, but like a hard dick in some wet, snug pussy, it’s cumming whether we like it or not. We’ve tried every trick in the book, except offering the gotdamn truth. That’s because we want to keep them in bondage. And the truth sets people free…
Nadia placed the book down, leaned back and closed her eyes. Her mind reeled and her body warmed from burgeoning, confusing emotions. After a few minutes, she reached for her phone and made a call. Lennox answered on the second ring. She heard rock ’n’ roll music playing in the background, people talking, and what sounded like weights and machines moving.
“Hey, baby. I’m workin’ right now. Can I—”
“I know honey, sorry about that. I’m not gonna hold you, Lennox. This’ll be super quick.”
“Okay. Hey, Rick, hold on a sec, please… thanks… Okay, I’m here. You alright? What is it?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just have a question. Didn’t you tell me you had read some books, or talked to some therapist and author named Saint Aknaten?”
“Yeah.”
“How’d you find out about him?”
“Uh… it was an accident, actually. I was online and some of his videos popped up. Like some conferences he’d spoken at.”
“How was that an accident?”
“I had misspelled a word in the search field. Whatever I typed caused him to pop up instead. I got curious, so I watched a video, and then before I knew it, I was spendin’ whole days watching him and listening to interviews and stuff. That made me go on and buy some of his books. I could relate to what he was saying. I read like three of his books, and then I found out he had like a program, a system for healin’ trauma that affects our relationships with women. He was talkin’ about all trauma affects our relationships, and I hadn’t ever really thought about that.
“How I avoided settling down. I didn’t want to be committed, but I told myself I did. I had been in denial. I was a mess. I would abandon perfectly normal relationships with no warning. It was crazy. I decided to have an online appointment with him. It was kinda expensive, and there was a long waitin’ list… but, uh, he squeezed me in, and it changed my life. He’s the real deal.”
“Hmmm, what did y’all talk about if you don’t mind me asking?”