Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 91504 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91504 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Gabriel.
He reaches out to steady me as I wobble. “Are you all right?”
I stare. “I, uh, I didn’t see you. What are you doing here?”
“I came to speak to you.” He lifts his sopping-wet dress shirt away from his skin. “That’s some hot stuff you got there.”
I shake my head and snap myself out of it. I’ve just spilled scalding tea on this man. “I’m so sorry. Let me grab you something.”
Gabriel follows me into the office, where I go straight to Sarah’s bottom drawer. It’s packed with ketchup packets, soy sauce, utensils, and wads of napkins from different takeout places. Grabbing a bunch of the napkins, I nervously blot at Gabriel’s shirt. But when I feel the ridges of hard abdomen underneath, I realize I’m being inappropriate and apologize again, handing him the napkins.
He cleans up as best as he can.
“I really am sorry. I’ll pay for your dry cleaning.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“I insist.” I take the wet napkins from his hands and toss them into the garbage. When I turn back around, the room is quiet, and there’s no distraction to focus on anymore. Gabriel waits until our eyes meet to speak.
“Why are you dumping me as a patient?” he asks.
My heart races, and suddenly I feel how warm it is in here. “I, um, I have to apologize about that. We’re too busy to take on any more new patients. I should’ve known that before we started working together.”
Gabriel squints. “Too busy?”
I nod and look away. “I think you’ll really like Dr. Pendleton. He’s a wonderful listener.”
His heavy gaze sears into my skin. “What if I pay you double?”
“Oh, no. This isn’t about money. It really isn’t.”
Gabriel is quiet for way too long. I start to question if he can hear my heart smacking against my rib cage. When he does eventually speak, his voice is low—intimate, almost.
“Meredith?”
My eyes jump to meet his. I hate that I like the way my name sounds, rolling off his tongue in that soft tone.
“You’re the first woman I’ve connected with since my wife died.” He pauses, then adds quickly, “The first person, I mean.”
I swallow.
“The other night after our session, I slept six hours straight. That’s a record since…” He pauses and lets the unspoken words hang thick in the air. “Do you think maybe you could squeeze me in for a few more weeks at least? Let me get a little further along before I make the switch to someone new? I feel like I’m making real progress, and switching right now would only set me back.”
I open my mouth to say no, but the words won’t come out. How could I possibly say no to a patient at an important crossroads?
How could I possibly say no to helping the man I had a hand in destroying?
The answer is I can’t.
So I take a deep breath and force a smile. “Sure. Of course. Give the office a call tomorrow and Sarah will get you on the calendar.”
And just like that, I’m sucked back in again.
CHAPTER 21 Now
A trill of excitement shoots through me as I board the train to Dr. Alexander’s.
I’d felt the loss of Gabriel all day. The awareness that I’d never see him again. At least, not unless I returned to my old ways. Which I was determined not to. I would go to work and help people. I’d go to the gym and work out. I’d write in my notebook, and go to my appointments, and be normal. Absolutely normal.
But maybe I knew, deep in my heart, it wouldn’t be that easy.
Gabriel stopping by, begging for just a couple more sessions, well, it’s like a balm to my soul. All feels right in the world again. Like when you’ve ended a relationship, then gotten back together, and just briefly, optimism makes you light and happy, like anything is possible. I catch my reflection in the glass as we pull into a station, see a smile tracing over my face. At least, until I notice another face in the glass—one watching me.
I turn in a flash, but it’s too late—people are already shoving their way out of the train through the open doors. My imagination has been vivid lately. Too vivid. I need a distraction, so I pull out my phone and read Robert’s latest message.
Robert: On for Wednesday? What do you think?
I tuck it away without answering. I don’t know. It’s hard to pursue much of anything knowing it’s headed nowhere. Knowing my head is elsewhere—namely, with Gabriel. I reach in my purse and reapply lip gloss for something to do. Check my work email and watch my fellow travelers as the train comes to a stop. I step off, eyes glued to the back of a man who’s clearly headed to exercise somewhere, with a gym bag over one shoulder and a protein shake in his opposite hand. He’s tall and broad, with bulging muscles, but not nearly enough layers of clothes to stay warm. Why couldn’t I obsess over someone like that? Someone who’s not tangled up in what you did, someone who’s not a patient.