Total pages in book: 162
Estimated words: 154728 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 774(@200wpm)___ 619(@250wpm)___ 516(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 154728 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 774(@200wpm)___ 619(@250wpm)___ 516(@300wpm)
His eyes were swimming with a pain that seemed so foreign on his handsome, easygoing face that it took my breath away.
“Six months was nothing compared to what I was facing. But fuck, Chef, it was the worst six months of my life. It took me right back to being that kid with no control. Constantly on guard for danger. No power. For me, being in a cage was worse than death.” He shook his head, and I swore to God, it looked like he was trying to shake demons free.
“But I got out,” he sighed. “I lived. Was lucky. And then it was more luck that had me falling into a situation where the shit I did to chase away my demons—jumping things, riding things fast, dancing with death—that shit actually became a career.”
My ears were ringing from the flood of information. The pain that Kane offered up, unadorned, without shame, without me having to pry it out of him. With absolute trust.
Kane wiped my cheek with his thumb.
I’d let a tear fall, and I hadn’t even realized it.
“Don’t need you to cry for me, Chef,” he murmured. “Love that you feel that deep, but know that I’ve done a lot of work to repair the shit that asshole broke. Therapy. All that shit. Healed as much as I could. Well, I suppose if I was truly healed, I wouldn’t be making my living jumping shit and playing out being a tough guy. Because if I look tough, fearless, I’ll never be the victim again. Never watch my brother be the victim in order to protect me.” He let out a cold laugh. “Not that he’s going to ever be the victim.”
“What happened to your brother?” I asked, my heart breaking for the boy I didn’t know. My soul was in tatters, in agony, grieving for the boy who had turned into the man I loved.
Kane’s features fell, obviously stricken. In pain.
“My job dances with death, Chef. On the legitimate side of it. For the world to see. His does too. But the world doesn’t see what he does. He’s taken himself so far into the shadows, I’m bracing myself for when he doesn’t return.”
Worry and love for his brother were physical things. I could taste them.
“And your mom?” I probed, unreasonably angry, furious, at the woman for putting her sons through that.
Kane smiled. It was a terribly sad smile. “She lives in Phoenix. Right now, at least. Waits tables. I bought her a house, fully paid off so she wouldn’t have to do that anymore, but she’s a creature of habit.” He brushed the inside of my thumb with his wrist. “I personally think she’s punishing herself. For our childhood, what she put us through.”
I pursed my lips, a cold part of me thinking that waiting tables in Phoenix was far too light a punishment.
“I can see that,” Kane murmured, brushing my lips with his tongue. “Your fire, ready to breathe it for me.”
I frowned, not realizing I was that transparent. I never normally was.
“I’ve forgiven her, Chef,” he said quietly.
“You’ve forgiven her?” I repeated. Forgiveness wasn’t something I was entirely practiced in.
He nodded. “Therapy, inner-self work and generally realizing my mother is just another broken human being who was trying her best with the hand she got. I either blame her and don’t have a mother or forgive her and get a mother who I accept as a flawed person. Knox isn’t of that same opinion. They don’t speak.”
I tried to school my expression. I would likely act like the shadowy Knox who I liked although Kane alluded he was a criminal.
“So that’s, in a nutshell, why I do it.” Kane smoothed hair from my face. “Jump things, race things.” He gave me a blinding grin. “And ’cause it’s fun.”
I shook my head, unable to do anything but smile back in the face of all the trauma Kane had laid out.
Kane arched his neck, giving me a gentle kiss. “It made me who I am, Chef. All of that. Plenty of times I’ve wanted to wish it away, but now more than ever, I’m happy I went through it because no other story would’ve led me to be here, in bed with Avery Hart.”
Before I could formulate an adequate response, Kane kissed me, ending the conversation.
We arrived at Kane’s party late, Kiera and me. Although I was itching to be the first to arrive, to see Kane, even though I’d woken up with him that morning.
I missed him. Such a foreign concept. Such a terrifying one. Where I felt off-kilter going not even twenty-four hours without someone.
Without a man.
Long-honed instincts inside of me told me to erect my walls, to step back, to retreat into that cold, unfeeling persona I’d crafted so exquisitely over the years.
But there was another side of me, another piece of me that Kane had revealed. A piece that wanted the danger and chaos and intoxication that came with being with him. I felt more alive than ever before, all of my senses engaged at all moments.