Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 96284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
When push came to shove, I didn’t know how to be a whole person unless I had Jake by my side.
“Congratulations,” Jake murmured.
I nodded jerkily and swallowed back a bunch of emotions that threatened to surface. “Thank you.”
CHAPTER 3
2017
“Honey, I gotta get to work. Your mom will be here any minute.”
“Okay.”
I suppressed a sigh and walked over to the bed, and I sat down on the edge and grabbed her hand. “Can you please call the doctor today?”
She had to go back. This couldn’t go on.
She withdrew from me and turned around, facing away from me. “Just leave, Roe.”
Fuck.
Stay strong, stay strong, don’t fall apart.
I heard one of the twins get fussy in the kitchen, which meant the other would wake up soon too.
“Daddy, we gots to go!” Cas hollered.
“Comin’, buddy!” I wanted to get out of here as much as I wanted to stay and…well, force Sandra to see her doctor again. She needed help. We both did, but she was the one suffering from postpartum depression, and every day she spent in bed, ignoring and denying, things got worse. It fucking hurt to see her this way.
I bent over her and kissed the side of her head. “We love you. We just want you to feel better. You’re a wonderful mom, honey.”
She didn’t respond.
I left the bedroom just as I heard keys in the door. Kathryn was here, with an overnight bag for some reason. Or maybe she was just bringing some stuff over.
She entered quietly and smiled upon seeing me. “Good morning, dear. I thought you’d left already.”
“We’re just on our way out.” I stifled a yawn and peered into the kitchen. I couldn’t see Casper, but I heard him rummaging around somewhere. Probably in his room. The twins were half crying, half cooing in their car seats.
“How is she today?” Kathryn asked.
“Same as yesterday.”
I didn’t fucking know what to do anymore. It’d been three months. The depression had hit like a freight train a couple weeks after the twins had been born, and we’d acted fast. Kathryn and I had teamed up, and Sandra had agreed to see a doctor. She’d agreed to go on antidepressants, and at first, she’d seemed receptive to what we told her. This happened. It wasn’t her fault. She was overwhelmed, and it was totally fine to rest up and leave everything else to her family. That’s what we were here for. No pressure. But about a month ago, she’d stopped going. She barely got out of bed, and she didn’t spend much time with our kids. Casper was the exception. The twins…? Nothing. Which we also knew happened. It wasn’t her damn fault, yet now she was stuck in a loop of self-hatred and exhaustion.
Kathryn patted my arm. “I will try to talk to her again. She really must go back to Dr. Carlson. And you—you need to rest too, Roe. Have you given the nanny idea any more thought? You can’t be alone with three young children.”
I’d be fine. I had my support network in Marina del Rey. Jake, Nikki, and Haley went the extra mile almost every day to help out.
“It’s all right around the office,” I replied. “I take a nap before lunch. I have Jake and Haley with me most of the time. They’ve been wonderful.”
I was only worried about Sandra.
To be honest, I hadn’t been too shocked to hear the doctor diagnose her with postpartum, not after that pregnancy. She’d been on bed rest since February, and she’d suffered from iron deficiency and extreme nausea. It’d really taken a toll on her.
Life had been put on hold. I’d missed Nikki’s birthday, my own thirtieth had been postponed, Jake’s birthday had been low-key, I hadn’t left LA to visit family, and most of our work travels had been handled by Jake and Seth.
Kathryn looked up at me, a little amused. “While I agree that your friends are wonderful, you need much more than a lunch nap to get by, but I can only handle one stubborn person right now.”
I chuckled, and she gave my hand a squeeze before she passed me on her way to Sandra.
“Hey, Kathryn?” I hesitated, unsure if I was doing the right thing here. I’d read so many articles about this type of depression, and not all experts said the same thing. “I, um…I know we’re supposed to keep encouraging her to get help, but…uh, she cries a lot, and she’s hurting. So…”
“Don’t you worry, dear. I’ll be careful. I know my daughter.”
Right. Of course. Obviously. “Sorry. I’m just worried.”
“That’s what makes you a wonderful husband, Roe.”
Ouch. Let’s not go there. I was all right at best. I was trying my hardest to make up for everything I was doing wrong, but I wasn’t sure that was even possible.
It didn’t matter much now, though. Every day was just about pushing through.