Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
“It’s true,” I said instead, and I watched the instant surprise cross his gorgeous chiseled features. His eyebrows lifted, and he looked halfway between stunned and hopeful. Already this was the weirdest conversation we’d had in ages. “I want the very best for you because you’re the most—because you, you know…”
He moved closer and sat down on the bed, his hand on my knee. “I don’t know.”
I cleared my throat because the lump there needed to be dislodged so I could speak. “I love you, right? I mean, you know that.”
“I do know that,” he agreed. “I also know that you’d rather take a bullet for me than explain about your regrets.”
“I dunno, chief,” I teased him, lifting my bad shoulder just a bit. “Being shot kinda sucks, so maybe––”
“Don’t be funny,” he warned me. “Tell the truth.”
Years ago, when I had first met Miro Jones, he said I would regret not doing anything with my feelings for Bodhi. The fact that he’d only spent half a day with us and seen the love and desire on me so easily should have clued me in.
I said, “You want things.”
“I don’t want to talk about me, Jed. I want to talk about you.”
“Yeah, but you can’t consider one without the other.”
“Like?”
“Like you want kids.”
“So what? So do you, and you’re great with them, but we’re not talking about anything but the present, right here, right now, and it’s time for you to sack up and tell the truth.”
But how could I? To what end? How could ruining his life be in any way good for him?
“Don’t think about me, Jed. Think about you.”
“How?” I asked miserably.
“I’m not stupid, you know.”
“When did I ever say you were stupid?”
“No,” he stopped me, moving his hand higher up on my thigh. “Don’t pick a fight. That’s not gonna work.”
I huffed out a breath.
“I know how you really feel, Jed. I’d have to be blind not to.”
“Yeah, but—”
“I have to break up with Hayden,” he said miserably. “I’m no good for him. I’m never gonna be what he needs.”
“The hell are you talking about? You’re what everybody needs,” I assured him and then added, “And wants.”
“No,” he whispered roughly. “I’m not.”
I grabbed his hand and held tight. “No, no, believe me. You are.”
His sigh and the accompanying grin made me smile. “Only for you, idiot. I’m only good for you.” My breath caught, and he heard it, felt the tremor run through me, and he shook his head. “Jesus, Jed, try and pull your head all the way out of your ass this time.”
I was sure I was scowling at him, but his smile said he wasn’t the least bit intimidated.
“Hayden is the nicest, kindest, most decent guy I’ve ever met, but the fact of the matter is, I have been in love with you since the moment you took me to get Mexican food at your favorite place off the Strip a week after we met.”
I shook my head.
“Yes. The way you smiled at me and said how you wanted us to be permanent partners, and you didn’t want to change anymore if that was okay with me.”
I could still remember him nodding and saying that yeah, he wanted that too.
“And you’ve been in love with me since I brought you my homemade chicken noodle soup when you got walking pneumonia, which was exactly one week later.”
He had come to my house, found the spare, and walked in like he owned the place. He’d warmed the soup and made me go get in bed. The best part was, he climbed in on the other side and watched movies with me for the rest of the day.
There was no question that he was right. I started loving him then and there.
“Do you remember that?”
Stupid question. And I would have told him that, but my heart was in my throat, making words impossible.
“There’s no one else, Jed. I’m sure you could find a ton of guys who’d want the job of taking care of you, being your best friend and then graduating to lover, but the truth is, you don’t trust anyone but me.”
It was true. Bodhi had filled the empty space in my heart, and between him and my sister and her family and my annoying-ass friends—and some brand-new ones now—I was good. No one else was needed. It turned out that I couldn’t move on from Bodhi because he was the only one I wanted. It was set in stone, and I had trouble even sleeping with anyone else. I had for a while, been able to take my heart out of the equation, but it had been years at this point. There was no way to separate what my body needed from what my heart craved.
“Hell,” I muttered.
“So after all that,” he said, taking my hand in both of his. “Tell me the truth now. What do you regret?”