Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
“That won’t be necessary,” River says. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“I’m only here to help. There is nothing to worry about.”
“You are here to help Ren. I know what you are doing. You are trying to get rid of me.”
“That’s not true at all. I’m here to give both you and Ren more control, and it starts by having a better understanding of each other.”
I’m not sure if she is telling the truth or just saying anything to keep him calm. Either way, I’m not ready to leave. Unless one of them asks me to, I’m staying right here.
“And how is that supposed to work?”
“For starters, I brought you this.” She digs in her purse and pulls out a notebook and pen. “I would like you to start writing in it every day, kind of like a diary. You can write about your day, about your feelings, your thoughts, anything you like.”
“Sounds fun,” River muses sarcastically.
Dr. Stone holds the notebook and pen through the bars, but River doesn’t move to take them. She clears her throat and opens the food latch instead to place it inside.
“Would you be comfortable talking about your childhood with me? Ren doesn’t seem to remember a lot, and I was hoping you could shed some light on what happened back then.”
When River simply stares at me without answering, Dr. Stone continues. “Would you like Scarlet to leave?”
“No, she should stay. I’m sure it would hurt her hearing what Ren and I had to go through,” he says with a smirk that makes my skin crawl.
“And why do you want to hurt Scarlet that way?”
River holds my gaze as he talks like he is talking directly to me instead of the doctor. “Because she deserves it. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be locked in here. I would have already gotten the revenge I deserve.”
Dr. Stone clears her throat and shifts in her seat like she is uncomfortable. “Okay. Scarlet, if you want to stay, feel free, but if you don’t want to hear this, you don’t have to.”
“If she leaves, I won’t talk at all,” River threatens.
Does he really hate me that much or is he just playing games to mess with me? Probably both.
“I’m staying,” I confirm.
“Okay then, let’s get started. River, could you share some of your earliest memories with us?”
“Mhhh, let me think.” River says, as if he is not taking any of this seriously, but I can see the real pain in his eyes reflecting back at me. “Getting beaten with a belt or a whip comes to mind. Crying myself to sleep is up there too. Not getting fed for days at a time was a fun one too.”
“And how did that make you feel?”
“Pissed.”
“Anger is a very valid feeling, but usually there is more underneath. Can you tell us what else you were feeling back then?”
For the first time, River averts his vision, looking at something on the ground instead of me. His jaw is tight, and his hands are balled up into fists next to him. Clearly, he’s uncomfortable talking about this.
Dr. Stone gives him a few moments to answer, but when he doesn’t, she pushes on. “It’s easy to be angry, but anger doesn’t actually help you heal.”
“Who says I want to heal? All I want is revenge.”
“And what then? Do you think you won’t be angry after? I have some bad news for you. Even if you hurt everyone you feel like deserves it, that dark, empty feeling inside of you will never go away. There is only one way to be happy again, and that is to deal with your trauma.”
“I have some bad news for you as well,” River tells the doctor. “I like feeling this way. Happiness can go fuck off. You want to know how it made me feel getting abused as a child? I felt weak, helpless, and unloved. But I don’t anymore, and I never will feel that way again. I feel nothing but the need to kill, and I won’t stop until everyone who hurt me is dead.”
“I don’t believe you,” I blurt out, drawing River’s attention to me once more. “You are lying. Everyone wants to be loved and so do you.”
River suddenly gets up from his cot, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his nostrils flared. I don’t know why me saying this made him so angry, but he clearly is. “Whatever makes you sleep better at night, Angel,” he finally says through gritted teeth.
“Why don’t we change the subject?” Dr. Stone tries to defuse the situation.
“I’m done for today,” River announces before turning his back to us. “Thanks for the notepad. I’ll be sure to tell Ren all about today.” He snickers.
If it wasn’t for the doctor, I’d probably take the stupid notepad back.